aper hawthorn buds have been plucked at
Hornsey. We don't care.

* * *

A Liberal Independent writes to ask if the Mr. LLOYD GEORGE, who has
been elected Lord Rector of Edinburgh University, is the well-known
Prime Minister of that name.

* * *

A firm of music publishers have produced what they describe as a
three-quarter one-step. It will soon be impossible to go to a dance
without being accompanied by a professional arithmetician.

* * *

It seems that high prices have even put an end to the chicken that
used to cross the road.

* * *

"Only through poverty," says Mr. MAURICE HEWLETT, "will England
thrive." As a result of this statement we understand that several
profiteers have decided to get down to it once again.

* * *

A Japanese arrested at Hull was found to have seven revolvers and two
thousand rounds of ammunition on him. It was pointed out to him that
the War was over long ago.

* * *

A contemporary refers to a romance which ended in marriage. Alas! how
often this happens.

* * *

The United States Government has decided to recognise the present
Mexican Government. Mexican bandits say they had better take a good
look at them while there is yet time.

* * *

A Prohibitionist asserts that Scotland will be dry in five years. Our
own feeling is that these end-of-the-world prognostications should be
prohibited by law.

* * *

An Oxford professor has made himself the subject of a series of
experiments on the effects of alcohol. Several college professors of
America quite readily admit that they never thought of that one.

* * *

A correspondent writes to a contemporary to say that he wears a hat
exactly like _The Daily Mail_ hat, and that he purchased it long
before _The Daily Mail_ was started. The audacity of some people in
thinking that anything happened before _The Daily Mail_ started is
simply appalling.

* * *

Three stars have recently been discovered by an American. No, no; not
those stars, but stars in the heavens.

* * *

"Whilst returning to camp one night I walked right into a herd of
elephants," states a well-known explorer in his memoirs. We have
always maintained that all wild animals above the size of a rabbit
should carry two head-lights and one rear-light whilst travelling
after dark.

* * *

A small island was advertised for sale last week. Just the sort of
thing