* *

[Illustration: "DON'T TURN YOUR 'EAD AWAY, MY LORD. WHY, DURIN' THE
WAR IT WAS ALL 'MA, MA, 'AVE YOU ANY MATCHES?'"]

* * * * *

=NEW RHYMES FOR OLD CHILDREN.=

THE WHALE.

_AIR._--_"The Tarpaulin Jacket."_

The whale has a beautiful figure,
Which he makes every effort to spoil,
For he knows if he gets a bit bigger
He increases the output of oil.

That is why he insists upon swathing
His person with layers of fat.
You have seen a financier bathing?
Well, the whale is a little like that.

At heart he's as mild as a pigeon
And extremely attached to his wife,
But getting mixed up with religion
Has ruined the animal's life.

For in spite of his tact and discretion
There is fixed in the popular mind
A wholly mistaken impression
That the whale is abrupt and unkind.

And it's simply because of the prophet
Who got into a ship for Tarshish
But was thrown (very properly) off it
And swallowed alive by "a fish."

Now I should not, of course, have contested
The material truth of the tale
If the prophet himself had suggested
That the creature at fault was a whale.

But the prophet had no such suspicion,
And that is convincing because
He was constantly in a position
To see what the miscreant was.

And this is what punctures the bubble,
As JONAH, no doubt, was aware:
"A _fish_" was the cause of the trouble,
But the whale is a _mammal_. So there!

A. P. H.

* * * * *

=THE LIGHT FANTASTIC.=

"Dancers are born, not made," said John.

"_Some_ are born dancers," corrected Cecilia, "others achieve
dancing."

"Well, I'm not going to have it thrust on me any way," retorted John.
"I never have liked dancing and I never shall. I haven't danced for
years and years and I don't intend to. I don't know any of these
new-fangled dances and I don't want to."

"Don't be so obstinate," said Cecilia. "What you want doesn't matter.
You've got to learn, so you may as well give way decently. Come along
now, I'll play for you, and Margery will show you the steps."

"If Margery attempts to show me the steps I shall show her the door.
I won't be bullied in my own house. Why don't you make your brother
dance, if somebody must?" said John, waving his arm at me.

"Come on, Alan," said Margery; "we can't waste our time on him. Come
and show him how it's