Down it went, plump!--it cut away the
cobwebs, made my inards fizzle, and the whole frame feel as lively as
a bee-hive. The negro said it was good--and I said I reckoned. And
then I 'turned out,' as they call it, broadside on. 'Great kingdom,'
exclaimed the negro, giving me a slanting look from head to foot;
'why, mas'r, dey must a growed ye in a guano country.'

"'Cuff! don't be sassy,' I replied. And then he very good-naturedly
commenced arranging my homespun. He fussed over me as if I were a mere
substance to be transformed into anything Mr. Pierce might
require. Then, to my utter astonishment, he apprised me of the fact of
General Cass having carried off my boots and breeches--adding that it
was a sort of mania with him, and for which he was not morally
accountable. Then the negro began quizzing my person. One of my legs,
he said, was hard shell, the other a soft shell; however, to reconcile
the matter, he further added that the embodiment was exactly suited to
Mr. Pierce's principles, inasmuch as he could go between--which he
always aimed to do. He then said I must have pantaloons of the right
stripe; because in Washington a man must look genteel, and have his
understandings straight. It was no excuse that the General himself was
an undecided Democrat; if he was round in some things, he was square
in others,--that is he was round in policy, and square in periods. The
Negro said he did not look so much at the cut of the pantaloons as the
quality of the cloth, and its tenacity for stretching--according to
the expectations of the 'Young American' party.

"Upon this assurance, I ordered him to repair to the tailor's, which
he did, and was not long in returning and bringing with him a pair of
fashionables suited to the times. 'Great country,' said he, holding
them before me and shaking his black sides with laughter. Into them I
slid myself; the bottoms only reached a little below my knees. The
negro, with eyes like astonished stars, set upon the straps, and such
a tugging and pulling as there allowed! I began to think I was being
pulled in two, (after the fashion of Mister Pierce's promises and
performances), when Cato, (such was the negro's name), his face almost
white with exertion, begged I would not be alarmed--that he would very
soon get them all right! In another minute something went--pop!
Simultaneously with the report was my head driven clean through the
pine-board ceiling into a chamber unfortunately occupied