ethodical, but not easily repulsed: impulsive acts do not
constitute valor,' returned John, rising coolly and dispassionately.

"'Grandpapa Marcy now got up to say a word or two, but Mr. Pierce had
the floor, and demanded--Order! Order, gentlemen!--Order in the White
House! My boys want to get me into trouble, but I feel that I can yet
regulate my own household!' he rejoined, with a peremptory tone that
excited surprise.

"'Yes,' replied the flounder; 'I say so too. If you do not keep quiet,
and live in harmony among yourselves, I will be the means of
swallowing you.' Just at this moment the black pig, with savage grunt,
bounded fearlessly into the room and upon the table, where he
confronted the flounder with open mouth, overturned the table, smashed
all the crockery and pewter, made the uproar and confusion complete.
The pig and flounder fell upon each other, wrestled among the wreck,
nor ceased until, like Kilkenny cats, they had nearly devoured their
substance. Such a chaos of excitement as followed! Grandpapa and Uncle
Jeff ogled one another in fear and trembling, women fainted in the
arms of gallant men; the General, covered with fish gravy, cut the
more sorry figure, as with thunderstruck countenance he raised his
hands to protest to the nation. Meanwhile the guests suddenly
disappeared, and Grandpapa seriously damaged the broad disc of his
unmentionables; while Uncle Caleb, shaking his sides with laughter,
stood his comely figure in the doorway, the thumb of his right hand to
his nasal organ, and his fingers making five angles, quizzing the
General in his dilemma. Esteeming it rather an ugly situation for
Mister President Pierce, for whose dignity I had a special regard, I
picked myself up, made an apology, bowed myself to the great door, and
left the General to his pig. 'What a mess you have made of it!'
thought I, and straightaway ascended the cupola to watch the nation's
emotion.

CHAPTER IX.

MR. SMOOTH CIRCUMNAVIGATES THE GLOBE.

"When the nations of Europe give themselves up to the sword, let us
aggrandize ours with the arts of peace. This is my talisman. In that
commerce which is our nation's pride there is more of greatness than
war can give, more of power than armaments can command. It would be
well, Uncle Sam, if you pondered over this; because, having your
pockets well lined, war could supply numberless valiant sons ready to
do the emptying of them. This was a private opinion, which forc