ly at poor Ikey.

"And, Bunch, you and John can come home with us now, can't you?" Alice
asked as they started to float for the door.

Then Ikey cut in as we started to follow the family parade, "I'm hep to
the situation. It's a cutey, take it from little Ikey. I'll have to
charge you $8 for the sudden attack of deafness; then there's $19 for
hardships sustained by my finger joints while conversing. The rest of
the 100 iron men I'm going to keep as a souvenir of two good-natured
ginks who wouldn't know what to do with a Tango if they had one."

As we pulled out of the Mayonnaise Mansion I looked back at Ikey to
thank him with a farewell nod.

He was halfway under the table, holding both hands to his sides and
making funny faces at the carpet.

CHAPTER II

YOU SHOULD WORRY ABOUT AN AUTOMOBILE

Say! did you ever have to leave the soothing influence of your own
rattling radiators in the Big City and go romping off to a rich
relation's for the week-end?

Well, don't do it, if you can help it, and if you can't help it get back
home as soon as possible.

When Uncle Gilbert Hawley sent us an invitation to run up to
Hawleysville for a day or two I looked at Peaches and she looked at
me--then we both looked out the window.

We knew what a wildly hilarious time we'd have splashing out small talk
to the collection of human bric-a-brac always to be found at Uncle
Gilbert's, but what is one going to do when the richest old gink in the
family waves a beckoning arm?

I'll tell you what one is going to do--one is going to take to one's
o'sullivans, beat it rapidly to a choo-choo, and float into Uncle
Gilbert's presence with a business of being tickled to death--that's
what one is going to do.

You know Nature has a few immutable laws, and one is that even a rich
old uncle must in the full course of time pass on and leave nephews and
nieces. Leave them what? Ah! that's it! Where's that timetable?

Hawleysville is about forty miles away on the P. D. & Q., and it is some
burg. Uncle Gilbert wrote it all himself.

Uncle Gilbert has nearly all the money there is in the world. Every time
he signs a check a national bank goes out of existence. He tried to
count it all once, but he sprained his wrists and had to stop.

On the level, when he goes into a bank all the government bonds get up
and yell, "Hello, Papa!"

When he cuts coupons it's like a sheep shearing.

He has muscles all over him like a prizefighter jus