ON
CHURCHILL only by the latter's eloquence.

* * *

We understand that certain members of the betting classes have demanded
that the starting price for coal should be published each day in the early
evening papers.

* * * * *

[Illustration: SCENE.--_Miles from anywhere._

_Tammas._ "COULD YE OBLIGE ME WI' A MATCH, SIR?"

_Stranger._ "I'M AFRAID I'VE ONLY GOT ONE."

_Tammas._ "AY--SHE'LL DO."]

* * * * *

A TRIUMPH OF REALISM.

From a publisher's advertisement:--

"'FALLING WATERS.' 'Not a dry page in it.'"

* * * * *

THE NEW POLYGAMY.

"The bride... carried a handsome bouquet of harem lilies."--_Local
Paper_.

* * * * *

THE BENEFITS OF PEACE

(_as they appear to be viewed by certain unofficial guardians of public
morality_).

When Peace superseded the strife and the stress
Which the public regard as a gift for the Press,
It was feared in the quiet that followed the storm,
With nothing to do but retrench and reform,
That the Town would be painted a colourless tint
And the printers have nothing exciting to print.

That fear was unfounded, I'm happy to say,
And red is the dominant tone of to-day;
So far from incurring a shortage of news
While the place is made fit for our heroes to use,
We cannot remember a rosier time;
We have rarely enjoyed such an orgy of crime.

There are scandals as nice for the reader to nose
As any old garbage of carrion crows;
Our mystery-mongers are full of resource;
There's a bigamy boom and a vogue of divorce;
To the licence of flappers we freely allude,
And we do what we can with the cult of the nude.

No, the War isn't missed; there's a murrain of strikes
Where a paper can take any side that it likes;
We are done with denouncing the filth of the Bosch,
But we still have our own dirty linen to wash;
Though we trade with the brute as a man and a brother,
Our Warriors still can abuse one another.

And if spicier features incline to be slack
There is always the Chief of the State to attack;
We have standing instructions to cake him with mud
And a couple of columns reserved for his blood.
Oh, yes, there is Peace, but our property thrives--
We are having, I tell you, the time of our lives.

O.S.

* * * * *

[Illustration: "WANTE