fainted first.

* * *

We feel very jealous of the suburban gentleman who wrote last week asking
what an O.B.E. was, and whether, if it was a bird, it should be fed on
hemp-seed or ants' eggs.

* * *

With reference to the wooden house which fell down last week, the builder
is of the opinion that a sparrow must have accidentally stepped on it.

* * *

Lord BIRKENHEAD describes the Coalition as an "invertebrate and undefined
body." Meaning that they have rather more wishbone than backbone.

* * *

An Indian native was recently sentenced to write a poem. In other countries
of course you commit a poem first and are sentenced afterwards.

* * *

Mr. F.H. ROSE, M.P., writing in _The Sunday Pictorial_, refers to the
Ministry of Munitions as "a veritable monument of superfluous futility."
For ourselves we don't mind futility so long as it isn't superfluous.

* * *

Will the lady who, during the Winter Sales' scramble, inadvertently went
off with two husbands please return the other one to his rightful owner?

* * *

Mr. J.H. SYMONS, the Weymouth draper novelist, has told a _Star_ reporter
that he only writes novels for a hobby. This sets him apart from the many
who do it with malicious intent.

* * *

A referee has lodged a complaint against the Football Club on whose ground
he was assaulted by several spectators who disagreed with his decisions.
Although sympathising with him we fear his attempt to rob our national game
of its most sporting element will not meet with general approval.

* * *

It is generally expected that, owing to the number of deaths from whisky
poisoning which have occurred of late, America may decide to go dry again.

* * *

It is reported on good authority that Mr. C.B. COCHRAN will visit America
daily until the signature of DEMPSEY'S manager is obtained.

* * *

LENIN, says a contemporary, has completed his plans for the overthrow of
civilisation. It seems that all our efforts to conceal from him its
presence in our midst are doomed to failure.

* * *

"A search for combined beauty and brains," says _The Daily Mail_, "has been
instituted by _The Weekly Dispatch_." We gather, however, that a good
circulation will also be taken into consideration.

* * *

According to the Technical Secretary of the Civil Aviation Committee a
vehicle has been designed which is equally at home in the air, on land, on
the water and under it. It is said to be distinguishable from Mr. WINST