ernal Lover of the
soul."_ That shudder of blind aversion which is a part of the
experience of so many converts, is an instinctive testimony that the
call to the truth is more than natural, while the overpowering
attraction which attends it witnesses that nature must needs obey or
perish. The Church, too, is not heard by the soul merely as the
collective voice of many men and ages of men agreed upon the truth,
but as a mystic personality which makes her the imperative
ambassadress of Christ. For she is the Spouse of the Lamb, and in her
the Incarnate Word obtains a voice which is no less single in its
personality than multitudinous in its tones.

Much as Isaac Hecker had considered the matter, studying, reading,
praying, assuring himself from time to time that if any church were
true this was the one, and that to enter it was probably his duty,
now that Brownson's weight was likewise thrown into the scale and it
went down with a warning thud, he thrilled through with apprehension.
"I feel like throwing all up," he wrote in the diary on the day the
letter reached him. "Some cannot rest. _How much better would it have
been could I have remained in quietness at my daily pursuits, and not
been led to where I now find myself."_

Then he questions himself: "What have I against the Catholic Church?
At this moment I cannot say that I have anything that is essential.
And she meets my wants on every side.

"Oh, this is the deepest event of my life! I would have united myself
to any one of the Protestant sects if I had found any that would have
answered the demands of my nature. Why should I now hesitate when I
find the Catholic Church will do so? Is not this the self-will which
revolts against the involuntary will of the Spirit?

"The fundamental question is, Am I willing to submit my will to the
guidance and direction of the Church? If she is the body of Christ;
if she is the channel of the Holy Ghost; if she is the inspired body
illumined by Christ's Spirit; in a word, if she _is_ the Catholic
Church; if I would serve God and humanity; if I would secure the
favor of God, and heaven hereafter; why should I not submit to her?"

But however painful this final indecision may have been, it was of
short duration. Brownson's letter reached Concord on Friday morning,
and on Saturday Isaac Hecker went into Boston to see Bishop Fenwick
and put himself under instruction. That done, his peace not merely
returned, but he felt that it