s! Cheese, butter, eggs, milk, are for many reasons not a
part of my diet."

The balance of this fourth volume of his diary, begun September 9,
1844, and ended January 2, 1845, is mainly occupied with addresses to
his guardian angel. He was, as those who knew him will remember,
always extremely devout to the angelic choirs. On his birthday this
year he writes as follows:

"December 18, 1844.--Let me look back for a few moments and see where
I stood last year this time (an incomprehensible length), and where I
now stand. Then my path was dim, unfixed, unsettled. Then I was not
so disentangled from the body and its desires as, I hope in God, I
now am. In all I feel a consciousness that since then I have
spiritually grown--been transformed. For my present I cannot speak.
For my future, it seems I dare not speak.

"Dreams of the future! Exalted visions! Beautiful, unspeakable hopes!
Deep, inarticulate longings that fill the conscious soul! Ah! so
sweet, so harmonious, so delightful, like an angel, like the bride of
the pure and bright soul adorned for the nuptials, do I see the
future beckoning me with a clear, transparent smile onward to her
presence. 'Ah!' my soul would say, 'we will meet, for I am in thy
presence, and faithful in God may heaven grant me to be.' The beauty,
the grace, the love, the sweetness that attract me, are beyond all
comparison. Ah! thou eternal, ever-blooming virgin, the Future, shall
I ever embrace thee? Shall I ever see thee nearer to my heart? I look
at myself and I am bowed down low in grief; but when I cast my eyes
up to thee, in seeing thee I am lost. The grace and beauty I see in
thee passes into my soul, and I am all that thou art. I am then
wedded to thee, and I would that it were an eternal union. But ah! my
eyes, when turned upon myself, lose all sight of thee, and meet
nothing but my own spots and blemishes. How canst thou love me? I
say; and for thy pure love I am melted into thee as one."

He continues:

"Lord, let me speak of my many and grievous sins; but oh! when I
would do so, my mouth speaks nothing forth but Thy praises.

"I would offer my whole soul afresh to all that is, for the sake of
the love of God. . . . Lord, I am Thine, for Thou dost teach me this
be Thy unutterable, ever-present love."

"January 3.--Last Saturday my confessor was not at home when I
called. I have waited until this morning, the Saturday following. It
is sad to me to wait to partake of the Bless