le about old
mades.

It was finally resolved by this anshient lot of caliker to "stir up old
GREEN."

Headed by SARY YOUMANS, the crossest old made in the U.S., and all armed
with broom-sticks and darnin'-needles, the door of my editorial offis
was busted open, and the whole caboodle of wimmen, famishin' for my top
hair, entered.

They foamed at the mouth like a pack of dissappinted Orpheus--C--Kerrs,
as they brandished their wepins over my bald head.

"Squire GREEN," sed a maskaline lookin' specimen of time worn caliker,
holdin' a copy of the _Fish Horn_ in her bony fingers, "did you rite
that 'ere?"

"Wall," sed I, feelin' somewhat riled at the sassy crowd, "s'posen I did
or didn't, what on it?"

"We are goin' to visit the wrath of a down-trodden rase upon your
frontispiece, that's what we is, d'ye hear, old Pilgarlick?" said the
exasperated 16th Amendmenter, as she brought down her gingham umbrella
over my shoulders.

At this they all rushed for me. With paste-brush and shears I kept them
off, until somebody pushed me over a woman who had got tripped up, when
the army of infuriated Amazons piled onto my aged form.

This round dident last more'n two minutes, for as soon as they got me
down, they all stuck their confounded needles into me, and then left me
lookin' more like a porkupine than a human bein'.

I hadent more'n had time to pull out a few quarts of needles, before in
walks 2 big strappin' farmers.

"Old man, we've come for you," said one of 'em. "We'll larn you to
slander honest fokes."

At this he let fly his rite bute at my cote skirts.

I was home-sick, you can jest bet. Then t'other chap let me have it.

"Down stairs with him," sed they both, and down I went, pooty lively for
an old man.

Just as I got to the bottom I lit on a man's head. It was Deekin PERKINS
comein' to "bust my gizzard."

"Hevings and airth," sed the Deekin as he tumbled over in the entry way.
I jumped behind a door, emejutly, and as the farmers proceeded to polish
off the Deekin, I was willin' to forgive both of 'em, as the Deekin
groaned and yelled.

Yes siree! it was soothin' fun for me, to see them farmers welt the
Deekin.

Steelin' up stairs agin, I was brushin' off my clothes, when in walks
EBENEZER.

"Sawtel," said he, ceasin' me by the cote coller and shakin' me, "Ile
larn you to rite about steelin' sugar; take that--and that," at which he
let fly his bute, and down stairs I went agin--Eben urgin' me on