edit the _Skeensboro Fish Horn_. Fame, madam, awaits your talented
pardner."

"Talented Lunkhead, you mean," said this interestin' femail; "you'd look
sweet editin' a noose paper. So would H. WARD BEECHER dancin' 'shoo-fly'
along with DAN BRYANT. Don't make a fool of yourself if you know
anything, HIRAM, and respect your family."

The above conversation was the prelude to my first and last experience
in editin' a country paper.

The editor of the "Fish Horn" went on a pleasure trip, to plant a rich
ant who had died and left him some cash.

Durin' his absence I run his paper for him. Seatin' my form on top of the
nail keg, with shears and paste brush I prepared to show this ere
community how to run a noosepaper.

I writ the follerin' little squibs and put 'em in my first issue.

"If a sertin lite complexion man wouldn't run his hands down into sugar
barrels so often, when visitin' grosery stores, it would be money in the
pocket of the Skeensboro merchants"--

"Query. Wonder how a farmer in this town, whose name we will not rite,
likes burnin' wood from his nabor's wood-pile?"--

"We would advise a sertin toothles old made to leave off paintin' her
cheeks, and stop slanderin' her nabors. If she does so, she will be a
more interestin' femail to have around."--

"Stop Thief.--If that Deekin, who trades at one of our grocery stores,
and helps himself to ten cents worth of tobacker while buyin' one cents
worth of pipes, will devide up his custom, it would be doing the square
thing by the man who has kept him in tobacker for several years."

These articles was like the bustin' of a lot of bombshells in this
usually quiet boro.

The Deekins called a church meetin', and played a game of old sledge, to
see who would call and demand satisfaction for the insult. As they all
smoked, they couldn't tell who was hit, as their tobacker bill was small
all around.

Deekin PERKINS got beat when they come to "saw off."

Said this pious man:

"If old GREEN don't chaw his words, I'll bust his gizzard."

The farmers met at SIMMINSES store. After tryin' on the garment about
steelin' wood, it was hard to decide who the coat fit the best, but each
one made up his mind to pay off an old grudge and "pitch into the Lait
Gustise."

All the old mades met together in the village milliner shop, where the
Sore-eye-siss society held meetin's once a week, and their false teeth
trembled like a rattlesnake's tail, when they read my artick