siasm invited him to spend a
lot of money thereon.

The Main Stem in the Works informed me that he had his fingers on the
public pulse and just as soon as that pulse began to jump and yell for
something from my fiery pen he would throw the _Silly Syclopedia_
at it.

Then he placed my MS. in the forward turret of his steel-armored safe,
gave me a fairly good cigar and began to look hard in the direction of
the elevator.

Last week, while searching for some missing government bonds, my
Publisher found my sadly neglected MS. He at once reached over and
grabbed the public pulse. To his astonishment it was jumping and making
signs in my direction.

In a frenzied effort to make up for lost time my publisher then yelled
feverishly for a printer.

Enclosed please find the result.

In the meantime, however, I figure that I have lost $41,894.03 in
royalties, $74 worth of glory and about 14 cents worth of fame--tough,
isn't it?

I think my Publisher should be censured for going out golfing and taking
his fingers off the public pulse.

Don't you?

NOAH LOTT.

Chestnut Hill
June 12th, 1905

* * * * *

[Illustration: "A--A flush fool."]

A man can drop a lot of dough trying to pick up money.

A fool and his money are soon spotted.

An accommodation liar soon learns to run like an express.

A guilty conscience needs no accuser if you catch him at it.

* * * * *

###
A: An adjective, commonly called the indefinite article because
the higher the fewer.
###

* * * * *

A BAS. A French word meaning "S'cat!"

[Illustration]

A SHARP. A musical term which cannot be explained here, because the
Musical Union might get sore.

A FLAT. A people coop. Seven rooms and a landlord, with hot and cold gas
and running servants. A _flat_ is the poor relation of an apartment.

ABROAD. A place where people go to be cured of visiting foreign lands.

ABSCOND. To duck with the dough. From The Latin word _absconditto_,
meaning to grab the long-green and hike for the Bad Lands.

ABSINTHE. The national headache of the French. A jag-builder which is
mostly wormwood and bad dreams. A liquid substance which when applied to
a "holdover" revivifies it and enables its owner to sit up and notice
the bar-tender.

ABSTAIN. The stepladder which leads up to the water wagon.

ABSTEMIOUS. Having an aisle seat on the water