with other dark blue
words when you step on a tack.

HA, HA! Something the world tries to give you on the slightest
provocation.

[Illustration]

HAIR. The fur that pays a temporary visit to a man's head for the
purpose of falling out later on.

HARD JOB. Trying to live without working.

HARD WORK. The sugar of life, but it is surprising how many people
prefer lemons.

HEALTH. The ability to eat meat for breakfast without having to rush to
the drugstore.

HEAT. A scheme invented by Nature for the purpose of sending human
beings to the seashore, the mountains and the hospital. It is from the
Latin words "_Gee Whizzibus Aintit Fierceibus?_"--which means much
or little, according to the size of the hotel you stop at.

HERO. A person whom we all delight to honor because the facts in the
case prevent us from throwing the hammer at him. A man who goes into
history and cannot get out again.

HIGHBALL. A drink in the hand which is worth two headache powders in the
drugstore.

HOG. A man who thinks everybody should move over and give him the end
seat.

HONESTY. The best policy after they catch you trying the others. The
excuse that a politician always has up his sleeve.

HOPE. A firm belief in to-morrow with the ability to take gracefully a
transfer to the day after to-morrow.

HORSE-SHOW. A place where the women show the horse that he has no show.
Society's parade grounds, where one dress is as good as another until
the price is known.

[Illustration]

HUSBAND. A domestic animal, invented for the purpose of giving a wife
something to worry about. See _Fourflush_. Also look in the
discard.

HUMIDITY. Something which comes in through the window and goes out
through the pores. A warm proposition any way you take it. A
brother-in-law to Torture and a half-sister to Hades.

The word comes from the Swedish language, "_Sockett Toodem_," which
means "_Melt, you Spitzbuben, melt!_"

HYPOCRITE. A knocker which is out of order except when your back is
turned.

[Illustration: "I--When two people quarrel and smile at the same time,
the third person can go for the separation papers."]

It is a wise son that owes his own father.

It takes a lot of money to teach a Duke how to love an American heiress.

If we could see ourselves as others see us many of us would wear a mask.

It takes three people to engineer a quarrel--two to make it and one to
run for a policeman.

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