hrough. I stood as if I
were struck dumb, while the sun was shining, the leaves were rejoicing and
the birds were trilling the praise of God.... I hid my face in my hands,
fell on my bed and broke into a storm of tears. And then I remembered my
brother Markel and what he said on his death-bed to his servants: "My dear
ones, why do you wait on me, why do you love me, am I worth your waiting
on me?"

"Yes, am I worth it?" flashed through my mind. "After all what am I worth,
that another man, a fellow creature, made in the likeness and image of
God, should serve me?" For the first time in my life this question forced
itself upon me. He had said, "Mother, my little heart, in truth we are
each responsible to all for all, it's only that men don't know this. If
they knew it, the world would be a paradise at once."

"God, can that too be false?" I thought as I wept. "In truth, perhaps, I
am more than all others responsible for all, a greater sinner than all men
in the world." And all at once the whole truth in its full light appeared
to me; what was I going to do? I was going to kill a good, clever, noble
man, who had done me no wrong, and by depriving his wife of happiness for
the rest of her life, I should be torturing and killing her too. I lay
thus in my bed with my face in the pillow, heedless how the time was
passing. Suddenly my second, the ensign, came in with the pistols to fetch
me.

"Ah," said he, "it's a good thing you are up already, it's time we were
off, come along!"

I did not know what to do and hurried to and fro undecided; we went out to
the carriage, however.

"Wait here a minute," I said to him. "I'll be back directly, I have
forgotten my purse."

And I ran back alone, to Afanasy's little room.

"Afanasy," I said, "I gave you two blows on the face yesterday, forgive
me," I said.

He started as though he were frightened, and looked at me; and I saw that
it was not enough, and on the spot, in my full officer's uniform, I
dropped at his feet and bowed my head to the ground.

"Forgive me," I said.

Then he was completely aghast.

"Your honor ... sir, what are you doing? Am I worth it?"

And he burst out crying as I had done before, hid this face in his hands,
turned to the window and shook all over with his sobs. I flew out to my
comrade and jumped into the carriage.

"Ready," I cried. "Have you ever seen a conqueror?" I asked him. "Here is
one before you."

I was in ecstasy, laughing and tal