joy not splash on
The vellum of the big bass drum
To indicate your ardent passion
For that Green Isle across the way
Which you must really visit some fine day?

Was it the three elections (by-)
That left you for the time prostrated
(They should have raised your spirits high,
So INFANT SAMUEL calculated),
Concluding with the worst of slips which
Occurred between the cup and mouth at Ipswich?

Was it because your Home Rule Bill
(Though perfect) craves to be amended,
And to the Lords you love so ill
That you would gladly see 'em ended
The delicate task has been referred
Of patching up the places where you erred?

Was it that you were pained to find
How Ulster took your noble Charter;
With what composure she declined
To bear it like a Christian martyr;
How there she stood, too firm to shake,
With no idea of stepping to the stake?

Or did you hear a still small voice
Under your waistcoat, where your heart is:
"We fought by contract, not by choice,
Ay, and the spoils are not our party's;
The Tories may be beat, but _we_ know
This is not ASQUITH'S, it is REDMOND'S beano"?

Or did you doubt if all was right
With Erin when you heard O'BRIEN
Foreboding doom by second sight
And roaring like a wounded lion,
And saw what venomed hate convulsed her
Apart from any little tiff with Ulster?

Or could it be you felt so fain
About your imminent vacation
That the same breast could not contain
The joy of Ireland-as-a-Nation?
There wasn't room for both inside,
And so the Bill gave way to Whitsuntide?

If that was why you would not hail
Your chance of bringing down the ceiling,
But let the holiday mood prevail,
I understand, and share your feeling;
I find my bowl of joy o'er-bubbling
Whenever Parliament has ceased from troubling.

O. S.

* * * * *

NEWSPAPER WAR.

CUT-THROAT PARISH MAGAZINE COMPETITION.

The amazing upheaval in provincial journalism consequent on the issue of
the Little Titley Parish Magazine at one penny is the sole topic of
conversation in Dampshire, to the exclusion of Ulster, Mexico, the
scarcity of meat, and even golf. Perhaps the most remarkable and
significant outcome of this momentous change is the sudden abandonment
by the Nether Wambleton Parish Magazine of its familiar claim that its
sale amounted to an average which, if tested, w