As flotsam, or as jetsam,
Some wooden cases,--ten, or more,--
Were cast up. "Let us get some,
And see, my friend, what they contain;
The chance may not occur again,"
Said good Who-zoo.
Said Tum-tum, "Do;
We'll both wade out and get some."

The cases held,--what do you think?--
"|Prime Missionary--tinned.|"
Nay! gentle reader, do not shrink--
The man who made it sinned:
He thus had labelled bloater-paste
To captivate the native taste.
He hoped, of course,
This fraud to force
On them. In this he sinned.

Our simple friends knew naught of sin;
They thought that this confection
_Was_ missionary in a tin
According to direction.
For very joy they shed salt tears.
"'Tis what we've waited for, for years,"
Said they. "Hooray!
We'll feast to-day
According to direction."

"'Tis very tough," said one, for he
The tin and all had eaten.
"Too salt," the other said, "for me;
The flavour might be beaten."
It was enough. Soon each one swore
He'd missionary eat no more:
Their tastes were cured,
They felt assured
This flavour might be beaten.

And, should a missionary call
To-day, he'd find them gentle,
With no perverted tastes at all,
And manners ornamental;
He'd be received, I'm bound to say,
In courteous and proper way;
Nor need he fear
To taste their cheer
However ornamental.

_G. E. Farrow._

THE RETIRED PORK-BUTCHER AND THE SPOOK

I may as well
Proceed to tell
About a Mister Higgs,
Who grew quite rich
In trade--the which
Was selling pork and pigs.

From trade retired,
He much desired
To rank with gentlefolk,
So bought a place
He called "The Chase,"
And furnished it--old oak.

Ancestors got
(Twelve pounds the lot,
In Tottenham Court Road);
A pedigree--
For nine pounds three,--
The Heralds' Court bestowed.

Within the hall,
And on the wall,
Hung armour bright and strong.
"To Ethelbred"--
The label read--
"De Higgs, this did belong."

'Twas _quite_ complete,
This country seat,
Yet neighbours stayed away.
Nobody called,--
Higgs was blackballed,--
Which caused him great dismay.

"Why _can_ it be?"
One night said he
When thinking of it o'er.
There came a knock
('Twas twelve o'clock)
Upon his chamber door.

Higgs cried, "Come in!"
A vapour thin
The keyhole wandered through.
Higgs rubbed his eyes
In mild surprise:
A gh