y is some parent, who cares enough about his
children and their associates to become a chum, and be at once a
magnet to draw them to more mature and valuable ways of thinking, and
a safeguard against that group folly towards which the
irresponsibility of youth tends.

Until a girl makes her debut in society, she is not seen at a party of
adults except in her own home, and not there at a formal entertainment
unless it be a birthday party, a marriage, or a christening.

Even after an engagement is announced, the chaperon is still the
attendant of the young couple in fashionable circles, when they go to
any place of public amusement.

CHAPTER XI

THE ETIQUETTE OF THE MARRIAGE ENGAGEMENT

IT is a wise and courteous action on the part of a lover to consult
with the parents of the young woman and win their consent to his
proposals before he presents them to her. This is largely a form in
America, for the reason that in a well-ordered home the young man has
not had much opportunity to pay attention to the daughter, unless the
father and mother have considered him eligible for their daughter's
friendship; also, the daughter, rather than the parents, does the
choosing, and few parents would have the temerity to refuse a young
man, whom they had permitted to enter their home, a chance to try his
fate. Should they have good cause for such refusal, they should have
used their influence and authority to counteract any favorable
impression the young man may have made, before matters came to a
crisis.

_The Proposal_

In matters of great moment, where the emotions are deeply stirred, the
trivialities of etiquette are at once superfluous and important.

One may be so greatly overwrought as to do the unintentionally cruel
and inconsiderate thing, unless habitual good breeding comes to the
rescue, and steadies one by showing what is the conventional thing to
do.

No woman should permit a friendship to culminate in a proposal of
marriage unless she is free to entertain such a proposal and has not
decided in her own mind upon a negative answer. Of course, there are
times when she receives, without power to check it, an unwelcome
proposal. Her refusal then should be very decisive but very
considerate. She should express regret at the situation, and her
appreciation of the honor which has been done her, at the same time
leaving no opportunity for future hope. In case she is already
engaged, she should tell him so.

I