a visit to her aunt, at Kingstown, her health became affected,
and from this time, symptoms exhibited themselves, which baffled all
medical skill. She was still, however, hopeful respecting her own
recovery, and very often expressed in her correspondence, how much she
was pained by the thought of being the cause of so much anxiety to
others,--that her own sufferings were trifling, and the comforts
surrounding her so numerous, she felt that she had every thing to be
thankful for. It was, however, evident to those around her, that there
was little ground for hope, and a dear friend intimated to her, that her
medical advisers considered her end might possibly be very near. This
intelligence greatly startled her, but she afterward expressed, how
thankful she felt that she had been honestly apprized of her danger.
The solemn impression then made on her mind, never left her, and her
constant desire was, that she might, through divine mercy, be made meet
for the kingdom of heaven, repeating emphatically, "I have much to do."
She often expressed her great sorrow, that she had not yielded to the
serious impressions with which she had been favoured, saving, "They were
soon scattered;" and regretted much that she had not lived a more devoted
life. She felt herself to be a great sinner, needing a Saviour's
gracious pardon; and for a long time feared she never should obtain that
forgiveness, she so earnestly longed for. But though her faith was
feeble, she endeavoured to lay hold of encouragement from the mercy
extended to the Prodigal Son, and to the Thief upon the cross, hoping
that the same mercy might be extended to herself; but for a long time,
her poor tossed and tried mind "could find nothing to lean upon." She
remarked, she could not feel that she had sinned against her
fellow-creatures, but that she could adopt the words of the Psalmist:
"Against Thee, Thee only, have I sinned," saying, "I feel that I have
nothing to build upon, and that I want every thing; I am not prepared to
die, I want all my sins to be forgiven; I hope I shall not be taken till
the work be fully accomplished." The whole of the 51st Psalm, she said,
seemed to suit her case, and with solemnity repeated, "'Create in me a
clean heart, oh God! and renew a right spirit within me.' If I am saved,
it will indeed be at the eleventh hour, I have been such a sinner."
Thus did the Spirit of Truth search all things, and bring this beloved
friend sensibl
|