ecently the payer of a ceremonial visit to a friend of my
boyhood, namely, BABOO CHUCKERBUTTY RAM, with whom, finding him at
home in his lodgings in a distant suburb, I did hold politely
affectionate intercourse for the space of two hours, and then departed,
as I had come, by train, and the sole occupant of a second-class dual
compartment divided by a low partition.

At the next station the adjoining compartment was suddenly invaded by a
portly female of the matronly type, with a rubicund countenance and a
bonnet in a dismantled and lopsided condition, who was bundled through
the doorway by the impetuosity of a porter, and occupied a seat in
immediate opposition to myself.

[Illustration: "A BEAMING SIMPER OF INDESCRIBABLE SUAVITY."]

When the train resumed its motion, I observed that she was contemplating
me with a beaming simper of indescribable suavity, and though she was of
an unornamental exterior and many years my superior, I constrained
myself from motives of merest politeness to do some simperings in
return, since only a churlish would grudge such an economical and
inexpensive civility.

But whether she was of an unusually ardent temperament, or whether,
against my volition, I had invested my simper with an irresistible
winsomeness, I cannot tell; but she fell to making nods and becks and
wreathed smiles which reduced me to crimsoned sheepishness, and the
necessity of looking earnestly out of window at vacancy.

At this she entreated me passionately not to be unkind, inviting me to
cross to the next compartment and seat myself by her side; but I did
nill this invitation politely, urging that Company's bye-laws
countermanded the placing of boots upon the seat-cushions, and my utter
inability to pose as a _Romeo_ to scale the barrier.

Whereupon to my lively horror and amazement, she did exclaim, "Then I
will come to _you_, darling!" and commenced to scramble precipitately
towards me over the partition!

At which I was in the blue funk, perceiving the _arcanum_ of her design
to embrace me, and resolved to leave no stone unturned for the
preservation of my bacon. So, at the moment she made the entrance into
my compartment, I did simultaneously hop the twig into the next, and she
followed in pursuit, and I once more achieved the return with
inconceivable agility.

Then, as we were both, like _Hamlet_, fat and short of breath, I
addressed her gaspingly across the barrier, assuring her that it was as
if to m