ving or Bernhardt," interposed Smith.

"Neither did the audience. What's the matter with you? And for a wind-up
you can give them a stump speech, and I'll bill you as Lew Dockstader,
second. We have got to make up our programme, please remember. If you
don't want to take a shy at Dockstader, name someone else equally
prominent. It's all the same to me. When I do that Indian box trick I
propose to bill myself as Hermann XI. Darn it, man, we have to have
names! This company, bear in mind, is made up of an all-star cast."

"All right then, say no more," said Smith.

"Say," continued Handy, addressing the ambitious young man of the
troupe, "don't you think you could manage to take off Billy Crane? And
give them some exhibitions of his genius in scenes from his many-sided
repertory, and we'll star you on the bills."

"Excuse me," replied the comparatively juvenile and promising artist,
"but might I inquire who is going to look after my wife and the kid if
that New London congregation should tumble to the joke? No, sir. Mr.
Crane, permit me to inform you, is a fearless and experienced yachtsman;
every hair in his head, nautically speaking, is a rope yarn. He is, as
well, a good actor, and New London is a yachting port. Not on your life!
Billy Crane is too well known here, so in justice to my physical welfare
I must decline the honor of being so presented."

"Well, gentlemen," returned Handy somewhat dejectedly, "these
unseasonable, frivolous, and unbusinesslike objections are really
disheartening and unworthy of a conscientious member of the histrionic
calling. Let me tell you that you are the first actor I ever heard of
ever having declined the distinction of being elevated to the position
of a star. In the words of the immortal bard, 'Can such things be and
overcome us like a summer's dream without our special wonder?' Go to.
Were it not that my hair is red and I have no suitable wig--and what
would Sweet William be without a wig?--I'd do Crane myself."

After further discussion on minor details the programme was arranged for
Thursday night. The next day posters were in evidence all through the
town. The fair grounds were literally strewn with handbills. Handy was a
great believer in printer's ink, and he used his paper with a lavish
hand. The show was announced for two nights--Thursday and Saturday. The
variety entertainment was billed for Thursday night, and "Pinafore,"
with an all-star cast, was promised for Saturda