had he
been Doing that he should attempt to Coddle her into a Forgiving Mood?
Did he Fear that she would get next to his Past? Huh?

He just couldn't Fool her. She knew Something was Doing. Else why should
he try to Fix her?

As soon as he came Home that Evening she Accused him and said she knew
All. Instead of Countering with the usual Gibe, he told her that she was
the Only Woman he had ever Loved and would she go to a Show that
Evening? She went, thinking that perhaps the Other Woman might be there
and she could detect some Signal passing between them. While at the
Theater he fanned her and explained the Plot, and was all Attention.
They rode Home in a Cab, because he said a Car wasn't good enough for
His Queen. After they were at Home he asked her to sing the Song he had
liked so much in the Old Days, "My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean." This was
Conclusive Proof to her that the Hussy's Name was Bonnie.

Next Morning before he started away he Kissed her, and it wasn't any
Make-Believe such as you see in Comic Opera. It was a genuine Olga
Nethersole Buss, full of Linger and Adhesion. To cap the Climax he said
he would stop in and order some Violets.

As soon as the Door slammed she Staggered toward the Kitchen, holding on
to the Furniture here and there, the same as a Sardou Heroine. In the
Kitchen was a Box of Rough on Rats. Hastily Concealing it beneath the
loose Folds of her Morning Gown, she went to her Room and looked in the
Mirror.

Ah, when he saw that Cold, White Face, then he would be Sorry. Upon
Second Thought, this didn't seem to be a Moral Certainty, so she
Weakened and had the Girl take the Poison and Hide it. She said she
would Live--Live to Forget his Perfidy.

That day she went back to Mamma, and took the Cat with her.

When he came Home in the Twilight he found no Wife, no Cat--only a
Scribbled Note saying that he could no longer Deceive her; that she had
seen through his Diabolical Plan to Lull her Suspicions, and that she
was no longer Safe in the Same House.

When the Deserted Husband went to the Friend and told him what had
Happened, the Wise Bachelor said:

"I see. You did not go at her Strong enough."

MORAL: _They don't know Anything about it_.

_THE_ FABLE _OF THE_ EX-CHATTEL _AND THE_ AWFUL SWAT _THAT_ WAS WAITING
_FOR THE COLONEL_

In one of the States of the Sunny South there stood a war-time House
that had six white Columns along the Veranda, and the Chimney ran up the