LAWSON'S Cordial or CAINE'S
Elixir.

Them parties think they can mix a drink as'll take the shine out o'
GODFREY or DAFFY,
But they're both mistook, _they_ don't know their book, though one is
"genial", and t'other chaffy.
They'll raise a row when they find out how I have managed to silence
the child, by drugging.
Wot's the use of fuss? Where's the monthly nuss as can manage without
a bit of 'umbugging!

And now, havin' fixed the hinfant up, I'm a going to drop him in
somebody's doorway.
Hullo! Here's the house of that County Council! I fancies now it is
rather in _your_ way!
You're up to everythink, you swells are, from "Betterment" to the
claims of Cabby.
You've a lot to learn; so jest have a turn--as I hope you'll like--at
this Blessed Babby!

It "turns up on a doorstep unbeknown", like the child referred to by
DICKENS'S _Sairey_.
Come! Here's the Babby, and there's the Bottle! I'm no monopolist--quite
contrairy.
Without its Bottle I couldn't leave it; the babe might 'unger, wich
Evins forbid of it!
But, havin' purvided for it so nicely, I'll shunt it on you,
gents,--(_aside_)--_and glad to get rid of it!_

* * * * *

"ALLOWED TO STARVE."--The Editor begs to acknowledge remittance from
"Miss G. D." and "W. M.", in aid of the Balaclava Survivors, which he
has handed to the Editor of the _St. James's Gazette_, who is in charge
of this Fund.

* * * * *

WARE BRUMMAGEM!

"As sure as a gun" is a worthy old phrase
That doesn't quite seem to apply in our days;
And that man is a cynic, or talking in fun,
Who says he's "as sure as an 'African' gun."
The Birmingham gun-makers loudly protest
That their products are good, if they're not quite the best.
_Mr. Punch_ with the Brummagem boys will not quarrel,
But all guns should be trustworthy, stock, lock and barrel;
Be the game one is after an Arab or pheasant,
The chance of a barrel that bursts is not pleasant.
Good work brings good pay, as it always has done;
That (in the old sense) is "as sure as a gun!"

* * * * *

MRS. R. has been uncommonly humorous lately. She observed, "What a
foolish remark it was of Dr. JOHNSON'S to say that 'who makes a pen
would pick a pocket.'" "Unless", she added, struck with a brilliant idea,
"he was thinking of 'steel pens.' But I don't