-"I nev-ah twry to wremember things the wwrong way wround."

A roar of laughter greeted this sally. They all knew he meant
"anticipate," but they all loved their EMILY far too well to set him
right.

"'Pon my soul," he continued, "it's quite twrue. You fellows may
wroawr wiv laughtewr if you like, but it's twrue, and you know it's
twrne."

There was another explosion of what EMILY would have called
"mewrwriment," at this, for it was well-known to be one of the
gallant dragoon's most humorous efforts. A somewhat protracted silence
followed. FOOTLES, however, took it in both hands, and broke it with
no greater emotion than he would have shown if he had been called
upon to charge a whole squadron of Leicestershire Bullfinches, or
to command a Lord Mayor's escort on the 9th of November. Dear old
FOOTLES! He wasn't clever, no Purple Dragoon could be, but he wasn't
the biggest fool in the Service, like EMILY, and all the rest of them.
Still he loved another's.

In fact, whenever a Purple Dragoon fell in love, the object of his
affections immediately pretended to love someone else. Hard lines, but
soldiers were born to suffer. It is so easy, so true, so usual to say,
"there's another day to-morrow," but that never helped even a Purple
Dragoon to worry through to-day any the quicker. Poor, brave, noble,
drawling, manly, pipe-smoking fellows! On this particular occasion
FOOTLES uttered only one word. It was short, and began with the
fourth letter of the alphabet. But he may be pardoned, for some of the
glowing embers from his magnificent briar-wood pipe had dropped on to
his regulation overalls. The result was painful--to FOOTLES. All the
others laughed as well as they could, with clays, meerschaums, briars,
and asbestos pipes in their mouths. And through the thick cloud of
scented smoke the mess-waiter came into the room, bearing in his hand
a large registered letter, and coughing violently.

CHAPTER II.

"The mouse ran up the clock."
--_Nursery Rhyme_.

The waiter advanced slowly to FOOTLES, and handed him the letter.
FOOTLES took it meditatively, and turned it over in both hands. The
post-marks were illegible, and the envelope much crumpled. "Never
mind," thought FOOTLES, to himself, "it will dry straight--it will
dry straight." He always thought this twice, because it was one of his
favourite phrases. At last he decided to open it. As he broke the seal
a little cry was heard, and suddenly, before even EMILY