, so must cut him _out_
instead!

Ha! Letter from LABOUCHERE, of all people. H--m! Says he's "glad to
see I've started Universal Beneficence Society. Thought of doing so
himself once." Congratulates me on turning my attention to "Social
Reform." Says he thinks it's an "Ecclesent idea,"--he must mean
"Excellent," surely!

"Inquirer"--(post-mark, Hatfield. Curious circumstance,
rather)--writes to ask for details of the Society. "Prefers at present
to remain anonymous," but an answer sent to "S., Hatfield House," will
always find him! Meanwhile, encloses postal order for one pound ten
shillings a "fixed proportion of his income," as he sees that I've
"offered to make myself the careful recipient of any assents," by
which he supposes that I mean cash. A little embarrassing!

Take stroll in Park to collect my thoughts. Find two leading Belfast
linen-merchants busily gathering up sawdust, &c, round tree I
felled yesterday. They explain that they've been "much interested
in my novel idea of converting chips of wood into best cambric
pocket-handkerchiefs," and think that it beats General BOOTH's notion
of making children's toys out of old sardine-tins hollow. I should
rather think it did! Still, have to confess that I'm _not_ ready
at present to "quote them my wholesale price for best oak-shavings
delivered free on rail."

Telegram from--CHAMBERLAIN! Says he sees the new Society's one
of "universal" beneficence, and supposes it includes him! Quite a
mistake! Sends cheque for three pounds, and hopes I'll "keep a strict
account of all sums received, and issue a report and balance-sheet
shortly." Really, very injudicious of me to use word "universal"!
Ought to have expressly excluded Liberal-Unionists (so-called), from
my plan. That's where General BOOTH has advantage of me. _He_ probably
doesn't exclude anybody that wants to send him money. Perhaps, after
all, he knows how to do this sort of thing better than I do.

Wire to him, and hand him over the money I've already received, also
ask him to start a "universally beneficent" branch of Salvation Army.
Receive reply, accepting my offer, in no time! General adds that he
has a staff appointment in his Army waiting for me, and that he would
like my good lady to become a Salvation Lass. Requires consideration
and--hem--consultation!

* * * * *

[Illustration: EASY FOR THE JUDGES.

_Geoffrey_ (_to rejected Candidate for honours at the Dog Show