of
"marching out." Besides these charges they have to be particularly
hospitable or benevolent (either word will do) to the companies to
which they specially belong.

_The Com._ Well, certainly, it seems that an Officer of Volunteers has
many responsibilities--what are his privileges?

_Off._ Only one is officially recognised--the right to be snubbed!

_The Com._ And the result?

_Off._ That there is scarcely a corps in the kingdom without
vacancies. Men nowadays, fail to see the fun of all work and no pay,
play, or anything else. This very week a meeting is being held at
the Royal United Service Institution, to consider what can be done to
advance the interests of the officers--another word for the interests
of the whole force.

_The Com._ You have my sympathy, and if I can help you--

_Off._ Not another word, Sir. The good services of _Mr. Punch_ for
the last thirty years are appreciated by all of us, and we know we can
rely upon him as confidently in the future as we have done with good
reason in the past. [_The Witness then retired._

* * * * *

[Illustration: "SAME OLD GAME!"

OLD LADY OF THREADNEEDLE STREET. "YOU'VE GOT YOURSELVES INTO A NICE
MESS WITH YOUR PRECIOUS '_SPECULATION_!' WELL--I'LL HELP YOU OUT OF
IT,--_FOR THIS ONCE!!_"

* * * * *

[Illustration: FANCY SKETCH FOR NOVEMBER 5.

MAGISTRATE LETTING OFF A CRACKER WITH A LITTLE CAUTION.]

* * * * *

HOW IT'S DONE.

(_A HANDBOOK TO HONESTY._)

NO. IV.--THE GRAND OLD (JOBBING) GARDENER.

SCENE--_the Garden of a modest Suburban Villa. Present,
Simple Citizen, with budding horticultural ambitions, and
Jobbing Gardener, "highly recommended" for skill and low
charges. The latter is a grizzled personage, very bowed as to
back, and baggy as to breeches, but in his manner combining
oracular "knowingness" and deferential plausibility in a
remarkable degree._

_Simple Citizen_. You see SMUGGINS, things are a little bit in the
rough here, at present.

_Grand Old Gardener_. Ah, you may well say that, Sir! Bin allowed to
run to rack _and_ ruin, this here pooty bit o' garding has. Want a lot
o' clearing, scurryfunging, and topping and lopping, afore it'll look
anythink like. But it's got the making of a puffeck parrydise in it, a
puffeck parrydise it has--_with_ my adwice.

_S.C._ Glad to hear you say so, SMUGGINS. Now what