BERT, _the_ Page, _with a paper in a postal wrapper.)
Tiddler's Miscellany_--ha, at last! Why didn't you bring it up before,
Sir? You must have known it was important!

_Robert._ Please, Sir, it's on'y just come, Sir.

_Mr. S. (snatching the paper from him, and tearing it open; the other
members of the family crowd round excitedly)._ Now we shall see! Where's
the place? Confound the thing! Why can't they print the result in
a----(_His face falls._) What are you waiting for, Sir? Leave the room!

[_To_ ROBERT, _who has lingered about the sideboard._

_Robert._ Beg pardon, Sir, but would you mind reading out the
Word--'cause I'm----

_The Family._ Read the Word, Papa, do!

_Mr. S. (keeping the Journal)._ All in good time. (_Addressing_ ROBERT.)
Am I to understand, Sir, that you have actually had the presumption to
engage in this competition?--an uneducated young rascal like you!

_Robert._ I didn't mean no harm, Sir, I sent in nothink--it was on'y a
lark, Sir!

_The Family (dancing with suspense)._ Oh, never mind ROBERT now,
Father--do read out the Word!

_Mr. S. (ignoring their anxiety)._ If you sent in nothing, Sir, so much
the better. But, in case you should be tempted to such a piece of
infatuation in future, let me tell you this by way of--ah--warning. I
and my family, have, with every advantage that superior education and
abilities can bestow, sent in, after prolonged and careful deliberation,
no less than two hundred and fifty separate solutions, and not a single
one of these solutions, Sir, proves to be the correct one!

_The Family (collapsing on the nearest chairs)._ Oh, it can't be
true--one of them _must_ be right!

_Mr. S._ Unfortunately, they are not. I will read you the sentence as
completed. _(Reads.)_ "Should such a contingency happen, the number of
these feathered songsters included in the catastrophe would, in all
probability, be simply--ah--_nought_!" Now I venture to assert that
nothing short of--ah--absolute genius could possibly----(_To_ ROBERT.)
What do you mean by interrupting me, Sir?

_Robert._ Please, Sir, _I_ said nothink, Sir!

_Pompilia._ Oh, what _does_ it matter? Give me the paper, Papa. _(She
snatches it.)_ Oh, listen to this:--"The number of solutions sent in was
five hundred thousand, which means that twenty-five thousand pounds
remain for division. The only competitor who gave the correct solution
was Mr. ROBERT CONKLING, of Linoleum Lodge, Camberwell...." _Oh!_ Why,
th