EASTERN ENGLISH.

A returning circumnavigator reports that the passengers on the boat--a
Japanese liner--coming from Yokohama to Honolulu were apprised of the fact
that they were to have two Thursdays, one immediately following the other
(and you can have no notion how long a second Thursday can be), owing to
the crossing of the imaginary but very boring line which divides the two
hemispheres. The official notice came from the captain's own hand. The ship
had an American purser and an American chief steward, and there were many
English on board, but the gallant little commander preferred to tackle the
linguistic problem unaided. On Wednesday, therefore, the board had this
announcement pinned to it:--"As she will be crossed the meridian of 180
to-morrow, so to-morrow again." Could, after the first blow, anything be
clearer?

Meanwhile from Siam come the glad tidings that the British residents in
Bangkok are to have a new paper. That the editorial promises are rich the
following extracts sufficiently prove:--

"The news of English we tell the latest, writ in perfect style and
earliest. Do a murder get commit, we hear and tell of it. Do a mighty chief
die, we publish it in borders of sombre. Staff has each one been college
and writes like the Kipling and the Dickens. We circulate every town and
extortionate not for advertisements. Buy it."

* * * * *

RATHER A TALL ORDER.

"FOR SALE.

Grey flannel suit made by English tailor in January last, unworn Rs.
50; chest 39, height 8ft. 5 inches."--_Indian Paper._

* * * * *

"Small (Elephant) Pram, as new, extending back, 6 gns."--_Local Paper._

Thanks; but we always take our elephant in the side-car.

* * * * *

"Samuel Johnson, who had pleaded guilty yesterday to stealing a wallet,
was sentenced to three months' hard labour."--_Evening Paper._

When he comes out (if there is any truth in BOSWELL) he will make a pun.

* * * * *

VERS LIBRE.

There was an old man of Dunoon
Who always ate soup with a fork;
For he said, "As I eat
Neither fish, fowl or flesh
I should finish my dinner too quick."

* * * * *

"It is as well to note that during dry weather it is always advisable
to pass the watering-can along the rows of plants in order to moisten
the