he Swanee River,
Nor whether HARDING finds, when glum,
Any relief in chewing gum.

It may be that they both have good rows
Of dental ornaments like WOODROW'S,
The waist of TAFT, the ROOSEVELT eye
For pinking hippopotami.

It may be HARDING had some flickers
Of CLEVELAND'S spirit whilst in knickers,
And COX while yet a puling babe
Dreamed tiny dreams of LINCOLN (ABE);

And both, although they knew they'd catch it,
Cut fruit-trees with a little hatchet;
Both may have been, when glorious youths,
Too proud to fight or tell untruths.

I cannot say. I know they wrangle
On points I dare not disentangle,
That one of them's a Democrat
And t' other's not. And that is that.

EVOE.

* * * * *

GEE!

On the upper floors of a shop in the Strand, between Wellington Street and
the Savoy, is a well-known maker of fowling-pieces, who gave me a terrible
start the other day; and probably not me alone, but many passers-by who
chanced to look upwards at his windows. For he is at the moment advertising
the most undesirable article in the world, a commodity for which I can
conceive of no demand whatever. Yet there--the result of the caprice of
adhesive cement or the desire of one letter of the alphabet to get level
with its neighbour and be dropped too--the amazing notice is, in
conspicuous white enamel:--

SECOND HAND
UNS.

* * * * *

THE DOMESTIC PROBLEM SOLVED.

"A Lady wishes to meet with a gentleman or lady to share her home as
sole paying guest; one with a hobby for gardening preferred; every home
comfort; terms, L300 per annum."--_Sunday Paper._

We are desirous of entertaining, on the same terms, a lady (or gentleman)
with a _penchant_ for cooking and washing-up.

* * * * *

"The Hindus and Mahomedans are the two eyes of India, but have long
been engaged in a tug-of-war. On account of this cleavage both have
suffered, but now the wall of separation is broken down, and they are
coming together like sugar and milk, the bitter feelings between them
having been pulled out like a thorn. They are advised to give up biting
each other for the future."--_Indian Paper._

Or our contemporary will have exhausted its stock of metaphors.

* * * * *

A STORY ABOUT A CLOCK.

Our move-in took place in no fu