a long existence
Through the dust, the mud, the rain,
Great is feminine persistence,
She would never lose the train.

Booby-traps were beaten hollow,
Hapless man stepped back in vain,
Knowing what a trip would follow
If he only caught the train!

Oh, the anguish that it gave us,
Quite unnecessary pain!
WORTH, not WESTINGHOUSE, will save us,
And at last will stop the train!

* * * * *

MRS. R., hearing her Nephew say that he had been discussing some
"Two-year-old Stakes" with a friend, observed that she was afraid they
must have been dreadfully tough, adding, after consideration, "Perhaps
they were frozen meat."

* * * * *

[Illustration: AN EXCITING TIME.

POOR JONES IS CONVINCED THAT HIS WORST FEARS ARE AT LAST REALISED, AND
HE _IS_ LEFT ALONE WITH A _DANGEROUS LUNATIC_!! (IT WAS ONLY LITTLE
WOBBLES RUNNING ANXIOUSLY OVER THE POINTS OF HIS COMING SPEECH TO THE
ELECTORS OF PLUMPWELL-ON-TYME!!)]

* * * * *

THE CANDIDATE'S COMPLETE LETTER-WRITER.

(_In Answer to a Sweep asking for a F.O. Clerkship._)

MY DEAR MR. ----,

Nothing would give me greater pleasure than to secure for your
interesting son a Clerkship in the Foreign Office. The fact that he
has a distaste for the profession to which you belong would be no
disqualification. I agree with you that chimney-sweeping is better
than diplomacy. However, if he won't help you it can't be helped. I
am exceptionally busy just now, but please repeat the purport of your
letter after the Election. Who knows I may not be in a better position
then than now to assist you,

Yours sincerely,
SOPHT SAWDER.

(_In Answer to a Letter about meeting a Duchess._)

MY DEAR MADAM,

Yes, I have the honour of the Duchess's acquaintance. As you say, Her
Grace's "at homes" are charming, but of course they are not equal
to her dinners. I shall be only too pleased if I can bring about a
meeting with the Duchess.

I am exceptionally busy just now, but please repeat the purport of
your letter after the Election. Who knows I may not be in a better
position then than now to assist you.

Yours sincerely,
SOPHT SAWDER.

(_In Answer to all Letters generally._)

MY DEAR ----,

Of course I shall be only too delighted to help you in any way in
my power. You may always command me--only too pleased, only too
overjoyed. But the fact is, I am just now