COURT, GOSCHEN,
Are all on my Committee. MORLEY's notion
(Shared for the nonce by JOE the shrewd and able),
Is, that it's safe to sit at _my_ Round Table,
Where they all hob-a-nob as friends, not foes!
E'en the MACULLUM MORE cocks not his nose
Too high in _Punch's_ presence; he knows better!
Supremacy unchallenged is a fetter
E'en to patrician pride, provincial vanity;
Scot modesty, and Birmingham urbanity,
Bow at my shrine, because they can't resist.
Thus I'm the only genuine Unionist,
While all the same, my British Public _you_'ll err,
If you conceive I'm not a firm Home-Ruler.
Perpend! There's sense and truth in my suggestions,
And therefore, do not ask superfluous questions.
You might as fitly paint Dame Venus freckled,
As fancy _Punch_ will stoop to being "heckled."
I have no "Programmes," I. My wit's too wide
To a wire-puller's "platform" to be tied.
I know what's right, I mean to see it done,
And for the rest good-tempered chaff and fun
Are my pet "principles"--till fools grow rash
From toleration, _then_ they feel the lash.
I am a sage, and not a prig or pump,
Therefore I never canvas, spout or stump,
I'm Liberal--as the sunlight--of all Good,
Which to Conserve I strive--that's understood,
But Tory nincompoop, or rowdy Rad,
The thrall of bigotry, the fool of fad
I hate alike. There's the straight tip, my bloaters!
Now run and vote for _Punch_--all who are voters;
And if some few have not that boon indeed,
Well those who cannot run at least can _read_.
There! that's enough, my lads! I'm off to lunch,
You, go and do your duty; plump for PUNCH!!!

* * * * *

[Illustration: "SED REVOCARE GRADUM."

_Beauty_ (_with cool candour_). "OH YES, INDEED, I FREQUENTLY MAKE
BETS; BUT I AM SO UNLUCKY!"

_Sporting Youth_ (_trying to be sympathetic_). "REALLY? BUT I SUPPOSE
YOU NEVER HAVE MUCH ON--THAT IS--I MEAN--" [_Collapse._]

* * * * *

OTHERWISE ENGAGED!

(_A SENTIMENTAL FRAGMENT FROM HENLEY._)

And so they sat in the boat and looked into one another's eyes,
and found much to read in them. They ignored the presence of the
houseboats, and scarcely remembered that there were such things as
launches propelled by steam or electricity. And they turned deaf ears
to the niggers, and did not want their fortunes told by dirty females
of a gipsy type.

"This is very pleasant," said