t Tooting!

* * * * *

[Illustration: CONSIDERATION FOR OTHERS.

_Tommy._ "I HAD _SUCH_ A BAD DREAM LAST NIGHT, GRANDPAPA!"

_The Admiral._ "TELL IT ME, TOMMY."

_Tommy._ "OH NO! IT WOULD ONLY FRIGHTEN YOU AS IT FRIGHTENED ME!"]

* * * * *

"BEYOND THE DREAMS OF AVARICE."

["FIFTY POUNDS Reward will be gratefully paid to any Lady
or Gentleman who will ASSIST in RECOVERING a valuable
HEIRLOOM.... Anyone with wealthy or influential friends can at
once secure above reward. Address, &c."]

[Illustration]

I am an impecunious young man, and, the other day, on seeing this
Advertisement in the _Times_, I was seized with a wild desire to "at
once secure above reward." Said I to myself, "I have 'wealthy and
influential friends.' There is my cousin's uncle, who has, I believe,
thirty thousand a-year, though I never saw any part of it, or of him,
for the matter of that; and there is my own aunt by marriage, whose
second husband is a K.C.B., but I forget his name, and do not know
where he lives." So I sat and thought about it for a time with my
eyes shut, and then I started. The train was so full, that I imagined
it must be market-day in some neighbouring town, but the station was
so much fuller, that I could hardly get out of the train. At last,
edgeways, I reached a pale and melancholy ticket-collector, and asked
him where I should find the address mentioned. He turned a pitying
eye upon me, and, pointing to the crowd that filled the station, said,
wearily, "They're all a-goin' there. I know, cos they've all arst me.
You'd better foller 'em."

This statement filled me with desperation; I fought and struggled
through the vast crowd of persons "with wealthy and influential
friends" until I reached the open street. By that time I was
exhausted, and, finding that the street was even fuller than the
station had been, I gave up the attempt. I saw that the reserve
of gold at the Bank of England would not have sufficed to pay each
applicant the promised L50. In any case I felt sure that by that time
the whole of the money in the town must have been used up. So, without
hat or umbrella, and with my coat as much divided up the back as
up the front, I returned--to consciousness, and went on reading the
newspaper.

* * * * *

"THE FORESTERS."

All the greatest swells
Of the U.S.A.
Come to see a new,
F