She's "some pumpkins"--though now she looks sober--
She's brilliant; she is "no small beer."
No, no, _Cinderella_, my dear!
Your envious "sisters" may jeer,
And sit on you yet, for a year;
Redtape your advancement may fear,
And Monopoly's patrons look queer;
But, as sure as the month of October
Is famous for sound British beer,
Vested Interest time shall prove _no_ bar
To your final triumph, my dear!

[Footnote 1: POE, not _Mr. Punch_, should have the credit of this and
certain other Cockney rhymes.]

* * * * *

"HONI SOIT QUI MAL Y PENSE."--"The competition for the Evill Prize
also took place yesterday" (i.e., last Thursday. _Vide Times_). The
prize so Evilly named was won by Mr. PHILIP BROZEL, of the Royal
Academy of Music, who must have expressed himself as being at least
deucedly delighted, even if he did not use some much stronger and
wronger expression. Henceforth PHILIP BROZEL has an Evill reputation.
Let us hope he will live up to it, and so live it down.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE TELEPHONE CINDERELLA;

OR, WANTED A GODMOTHER.]

* * * * *

MATINEE MANIA.

(_A SKETCH AT ANY THEATRE ON MOST AFTERNOONS._)

SCENE--_The Front of the House. In the Boxes and Dress-circle
are friends and relations of the_ Author. _In the Stalls are a
couple of Stray Critics who leave early, actors and actresses
"resting" more friends and relations. In the Pit, the front
row is filled by the_ Author's _domestic servants, the
landladies of several of the performers, and a theatrical
charwoman or two, behind them a sprinkling of the general
public, whose time apparently hangs heavily on their hands.
In a Stage-box is the_ Author _herself, with a sycophantic_
Companion. _A murky gloom pervades the Auditorium; a scratch
orchestra is playing a lame and tuneless Schottische for
the second time, to compensate for a little delay of fifteen
minutes between the first and second Tableaux in the Second
Act. The orchestra ceases, and a Checktaker at the Pit door
whistles "Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay!" Some restless spirits stamp
feebly._

[Illustration: "Sir, a roughly-dressed stranger ... requests a few
words."]

_The Author._ I wish they would be a _little_ quicker. I've a good
mind to go behind myself and hurry them up. The audience are be