inth), and no reference whatever is made to the past. Old serious
characters turn up again, and are welcomed with uproarious delight.
At the end of a conversation, lasting a quarter of an hour, the
Lady's-maid remarks that "her Mistress has been very ill, and must
not talk too much." Cheers from Audience. General joy when the Villain
returns a hopeless maniac. Curtain about six, and loud calls for
Author._)

_Author._ Nothing will _induce_ me to take a call after the shameful
way they've behaved! And it's all the fault of the acting. When we
get home, I'll read the play all through to you again, and you'll see
now it _ought_ to have been done! A hundred and twenty pounds simply
thrown away!

[_Retires, consoled by her_ Companion, _and the consciousness
that true genius is invariably unappreciated._

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

_House of Commons, Monday, March 21._--Uneasy feeling spread through
House to-night consequent on question addressed by MACINNES to
UNDER-SECRETARY FOR FOREIGN AFFAIRS. Wants to know "whether his
attention has been called to the increase of drinking among Natives
in the Coast Towns?" CAUSTON particularly depressed.

[Illustration: "Sir, I am not--"]

[Illustration: "--an Agricultural Labourer."]

"I sat for Colchester for five years, you know," he said, "and grew
into habit of regarding the Natives as my constituents. For five years
never swallowed one without thinking I was reducing the number on
the Register. Used to excuse myself on the ground that the particular
bivalve that had disappeared must have been a Conservative, or it
would never have been so stupid as to leave its comfortable bed to
embark on such a journey. My interest in the oyster is now secondary.
They don't flourish in Southwark; whelks more in our way down there.
Still one cannot forget old associations, and confess I'm rather
knocked over to hear this report MACINNES has brought up. Can't
imagine anything more distressing than the spectacle of a drunken
oyster--probably with dishevelled beard--coming home late at night and
trying to get into another Native's shell under impression that he has
recognised his own front door. Must see WILFRID LAWSON about this; get
up an Oyster Temperance Society; framed certificates, blue ribbon, and
all that, if the thing spreads, we shall have oysters emitting quite a
rum-punch flavour when we add