tion to perform
any hard labour whatever, in spite of the fact of a short residence
there having been recommended as calculated to improve their general
"tone"! I only wish the aforesaid Salvation Army Band would go
there on a lengthy visit, as its "tone" leaves much to be desired at
present.

I hear that the Brighton Meeting was a great success both in weather
and racing; and the present "Horse of the Century," _Buccaneer_, fully
maintained his reputation, winning his race in what they call "gallant
style," and beating _Lady Rosebery_--not, perhaps, a gallant thing to
do, but Buccaneers have always been notoriously rough to the sex!

I am afraid thousands of my readers must be getting impatient for
more of my excellent prophecies, but I really cannot run the risk of
ruining my health by reading the papers when in the country; and,
as patience is an admirable virtue, I feel I am doing my duty in
encouraging it as much as possible. So, for yet another cycle of time
(poetic, and usefully vague),

I am, Yours, in idleness, LADY GAY.

ODE TO BUCCANEER.

Sing hey for the life of a Convict Bold!
Sing ho for his healthy life!
Sing hey for his peaceful days when old,
Secluded from care and strife!

* * * * *

[Illustration: A SYMPATHISER.

MASTER TOMMY NEVER MISSES THE AMERICAN NEWS NOW, AS HE IS MUCH
INTERESTED IN _THE CASE OF PRIVATE JAMS!!!_ (_Vide Daily Papers._)]

* * * * *

THE DIARY OF AN EXPLORER A LA RUSSE.

_Introduction._--Delighted to have the opportunity of exploring the
Ironice Mountains. Hearing they abound with frozen mud which would
be most useful if it could be removed to the plains below without
melting. The watercress plant too might be grown on the summit, if it
is practicable to take up orchid-forcing houses. Ought to get the Gold
Medal of the Geographical Society if I open out this region that will
be fraught with such blessings to commerce. So far as I can judge, it
will only be necessary to take twenty batteries of Artillery, a dozen
squadrons of Cavalry, and (say) sixteen battalions of Infantry. And I
think we might as well take a Naturalist.

_A little Later._--Made a good start. Appointed Professor POPOFF to
be our Naturalist. He is a little out of practice, but passed the
preliminary examination very satisfactorily. Only made one trifling
mistake. Said that tea-roses belonged to the cactus family. Fancy they