ing reached it, proceeds to the
House of Lords, where he is patronisingly received by LORD CHANCELLOR.
("HALSBURY," SAGE OF QUEEN ANNE'S GATE says, "peculiarly well up in
patronage.") This done, returns to Commons; disappears behind Chair;
SERGEANT-AT-ARMS counts twenty-three; presto! door re-opens; SPEAKER
re-appears in butterfly-trim, with full-bottomed wig, silk gown, and
shoon on which shimmer the sheen of silver buckles.

No trifling with SPEAKER when this final stage reached. KEIR-HARDIE
took early opportunity of trying a fall with him--and got it. HARDIE
fresh from the coal-pit, represents West Ham; evidently determined
to pose as Stage Workman. "DON'T KEIR-HARDIE is my name," he said,
swaggering into House just now. "Don't keer a ---- for SPEAKER, or any
black-coated bloke. I'm the true British Workman, and will soon make
all you blooming gentry sit up."

"Are you going to take the Oath?" said COBB. COBB always asking
questions.

"Oath!" cried DON'T KEIR-HARDIE, "I'll take 'em in a moog."

Put on his cap, and swaggered towards the table. "Order! order!" cried
SPEAKER, in tones of thunder. "DON'T KEIR-HARDIE is my name," said
Hon. Member for West Ham; "and blow me if--". Turned, and saw flashing
eye of SPEAKER bent upon him. Slowly his hand went up to his head; the
cap came off, was crumpled up, and put in his pocket.

"Will you take the oath, or make affirmation?" asked MILMAN, stuck
between two tables, but always ready to oblige.

"Don't keer which," said DON'T KEIR-HARDIE; but, possibly from force
of habit, took the oath.

"If OLD MORALITY was still with us, my friend," said BURT, gravely,
"he would be able to cite for your edification a copy-head showing how
Don't Care came to a bad end."

_Business done._--Swearing going on in both Houses. Our Army in
Flanders quite respectable by comparison.

* * * * *

[Illustration: BLASE.

_Enthusiastic Lady Amateur._ "OH, WHAT A PITY! WE'VE JUST MISSED THE
FIRST ACT!"

_Languid Friend._ "HAVE WE? AH--RATHER GLAD. I ALWAYS THINK THE CHIEF
PLEASURE OF GOING TO A THEATRE IS TRYING TO MAKE OUT WHAT THE FIRST
ACT WAS ABOUT!"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: A SKETCH FROM NATURE.

LITTLE MISS FACING-BOTH-WAYS AND HER DOG DOUBLE-OR-QUITS!]

* * * * *

ASPIRATION.

_BY A WEARY SECULAR SCRIBE._

Oh, to be a Pulpiteer!
Purists may fie-fie, or sneer.
But, when