our
at all, and am ready to believe that all my pretended anxiety to serve
Him has been but a matter of feeling and not of principle; but of late
I have been less disturbed by this imagination, as I find it extends
to earthly friends who are dear to me as my own soul. I thought once
yesterday that I didn't love anybody in the world and was perfectly
wretched in consequence.

_Nov. 12th._--The more I try to understand myself, the more I am
puzzled. That I am a mixture of contradictions is the opinion I have
long had of myself. I call it a compound of sincerity and reserve.
Unless you see just what I mean in your own consciousness, I doubt
whether I can explain it in words. With me it is both an open and a shut
heart--open when and where and as far as I please, and shut as tight as
a vise in the same way. I was probably born with this same mixture of
frankness and reserve, having inherited the one from my mother and the
other from my father.... I have often thought that, humanly speaking, it
would be a strange, and surely a very sad thing if we none of us inherit
any of our father's piety; for when he prayed for his children it was,
undoubtedly, that we might be very peculiarly the Lord's. H. was to
be the missionary; but if he can not go himself, and is prospered in
business, I hope he will be able to help send others. I have been
frightened, of late, in thinking how little good I am doing in the
world. And yet I believe that those who love to do good always find
opportunities enough, wherever they are. Whether I shall do any here, I
dare not try to guess.

_Dec. 3d._--How I thank you for the interest you take in my Bible class.
They are so attentive to every word I say that it makes me deeply feel
the importance of seeking each of those words from the Holy Spirit. Many
of them had not even a Bible of their own until now, nor were they
in the habit of reading it at all. Among others there are two
grand-daughters of Patrick Henry. I wish I could give you a picture of
them, as they sit on Sabbath evening around the table with their eyes
fixed so eagerly on my face, that if I did not feel that the Lord
Jesus was present, I should be overwhelmed with confusion at my
unworthiness.... Mr. Persico is a queer man. Last Sabbath Miss L. asked
him if he had been to church. "Oui, Mlle.," said he; "_vous_ etiez a
l'eglise de l'homme--_moi_, j'etais a l'eglise de Dieu--dans les bois."
There is the bell for prayers; it is an hour sin