to your own soul, urging me onward, and if you
do not see the fruits of your faithfulness here, may you see when sowing
is turned to reaping.

_Oct. 24th._--I must call upon you to rejoice with me that I have to-day
got back my old Sunday-school class. I wondered at their being so
earnest about having me again, yet I trust that God has given me this
hold upon their affections for some good purpose.... I do not know
exactly how to discriminate between the suggestions of Satan and those
of my own heart, but for a week past, even while my inclinations and my
will were set upon Christ, something followed me in my down-sittings and
my uprisings, urging me to hate the Lord Jesus; asking if His strict
requirements were not too strait to be endured; and it has grieved me
deeply that such a thought could find its way into my mind. "I have
prayed for thee that thy faith fail not" is my last refuge. How
graciously did Jesus provide a separate consolation for each difficulty
which He foresaw could meet His disciples on their way.

_Nov. 8th._--Mother has been sick. The doctor feared inflammation of the
brain; but she is better now. I have had my first experience as a nurse,
and Dr. Mighels says I am a good one.

Whenever I think of God's wonderful, _wonderful_ goodness to me and of
my own sinfulness, I want to find a place low at the foot of the cross
where I may cover my face in the dust, and yet go on praising Him. You
do not know how all things have been made new to me within less than two
years. Still, I struggle fiercely every hour of my life. For instance,
my desire to be much beloved by those dear to me, is a source of
constant grief. Some weeks ago, a person, who probably did not know
this, told me that I was remarkably lovable and that everybody said so.
I was so foolish, so wicked, as to be more pleased by this than I
dare to tell--but enough so to give me after-hours of bitter sorrow.
Sometimes it seems to me that I grow prouder every day, and I wanted to
ask mother if she did not think so; but I thought perhaps God is showing
me my pride as I had never seen it that I may wage war against this, His
enemy and mine. I do not believe anybody else has such an evil nature
as I. But let us never rest till we are satisfied with being counted as
nothing, that our Saviour may be all in all. It seems no small portion
of the joy I long for in heaven, to be thus self-forgetful in love to
Christ. How strange that we do not now sup