Judge.

"Would it not be better, my lord, if he told us what took place?"

"That is what he is doing," said the Judge; "go on, witness."

"I say as 'ow thic feller comed out and hugged up aginst I and took 't
watch and runned away. I arter'd him, and met him coomin' along wi' it
in 's pocket; what can be plaainer an thic?"

There was great laughter as Mr. Bumpkin shook his head at the learned
counsel for the defence, and thumped one hand upon the ledge in front of
him.

"That will do," said Mr. Newboy, sitting down triumphantly.

Then the counsel for the defence arose, and a titter again went round the
Court, and there was a very audible adjustment of persons in preparation
for the treat that was to come.

"May the prisoner have a seat, my lord?"

"Oh, certainly," said his lordship; "let an easy-chair be brought
immediately."

"Now then, Mr. Bumpkin, or whatever your name is, don't lounge on the
desk like that, but just stand up and attend to me. Stand up, sir, and
answer my questions," says Mr. Nimble.

"I be standin' oop," said Bumpkin, "and I can answer thee; ax away."

"Just attend," said the Judge. "You must not go on like that. You are
here to answer questions and not to make speeches. If you wish those
gentlemen to believe you, you must conduct yourself in a proper manner.
Remember this is a serious charge, and you are upon your oath."

Poor Bumpkin! Never was there a more friendless position than that of
Ignorance in the witness-box.

"Just attend!" repeated Mr. Nimble; this was a favourite expression of
his.

"How may aliases have you?"

"Ow many who?" asked Bumpkin. (Roars of laughter.)

"How many different names?"

"Naames! why I s'pose I got two, like moast people."

"How many more?"

"None as iver I knowed of."

"Wait a bit, we shall see. Now, sir, will you swear you have never gone
by the name of Pumpkin?"

Loud laughter, in which the learned judge tried not to join.

"Never!"

"Do you swear it?"

"I do."

"My lord, would you kindly let me see the depositions. Now look here,
sir, is that your signature?"

"I ain't much of a scollard."

"No; but you can make a cross, I suppose."

"Ay, I can make a cross, or zummut in imitation as well as any man."

"Look at that, is that your cross?"

"It look like un."

"Now then, sir; when you were before the Lord Mayor, I ask you, upon your
oath, did you not give the name of Pumpkin?"

"Noa, I din't!"

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