. And bean't he a smart fine
feller? What'll Polly think of un now?"

"Shut up thic chatter," said Mr. Bumpkin, laughing. "Halloa! why, Joe,
egad thee looks like a gineral. I'd take thee for a kernel at the wery
least. Why, when did thee come, lad?"

"Just now, master."

"That be right, an' I be glad to see thee. I'll warrant Nancy ain't axed
thee t' have nothun."

"Why, thee be welcome to the 'ouse if thee can eat un, thee knows thic,"
answered Nancy; "but dinner'll be ready at twelve, and thee best not
spoil un."

"A quart o' ale wun't spile un, will un, Joe?"

"Now look at that," said the soldier. "Thankee, master, but not a
quart."

"Well, thee hasn't got thee head snicked off yet, Joe?"

"No, master, if my head had been snicked off I couldn't ha' bin here."
And he laughed a loud ha! ha! ha!

And Mr. Bumpkin laughed a loud haw! haw! haw! at this tremendous
witticism. It was not much of a witticism, perhaps, after all, when duly
considered, but it answered the purpose as well as the very best, and
produced as much pleasure as the most brilliant _repartee_, in the most
fashionable circles. We must take people as they are.

So Joe stayed chattering away till dinner-time, and then, referring to
the pudding, said he had never tasted anything like it in his life; and
went on telling the old people all the wonders of the campaign: how their
regiment just mowed down the enemy as he used to cut corn in the
harvest-field, and how nothing could stand aginst a charge of cavalry;
and how they liked their officers; and how their General, who warn't
above up to Joe's shoulder, were a genleman, every inch on him, an' as
brave as any lion you could pick out. And so he went on, until Mr.
Bumpkin said:

"An' if I had my time over agin I'd goo for a soger too, Joe," which made
Mrs. Bumpkin laugh and ask what would become of her.

"Ha! ha! ha! look at that!" said Joe; "she's got you there, master."

"No she bean't, she'd a married thic feller that wur so sweet on her
afore I had ur."

"What, Jem?" said Mrs. Bumpkin, "why I wouldn't ha' had un, Tom, if every
'air had been hung wi' dimonds."

"Now look at that," laughed Joe.

And so they went on until it was time to take a turn round the farm.
Everything seemed startled at Joe's fine clothes, especially the bull,
who snorted and pawed the earth and put out his tail, and placed his head
to the ground, until Joe called him by name, and then, as he told his
co