terview with Horatio and Mr.
Prigg.

The "round square," as the facetious Don called the new style of putting
the round judicial pegs into the square judicial holes, had indeed been
applied with great effect on this occasion; for I perceived that Mr.
Alibi, remarkable man, was not only engaged on the part of the Crown to
prosecute, but also on that of the prisoner to defend. And this fact
came to my knowledge in the manner following:

When Mr. Bumpkin got into the lower part of that magnificent pile of
buildings which we have agreed to call the Heart of Civilisation, he soon
became the centre of a dirty mob of undersized beings who were anxious to
obtain a sight of him; and many of whom were waiting to congratulate
their friend, the engraver. Amidst the crowd was Mr. Alibi. That
gentleman had no intention of meeting Mr. Bumpkin any more, for certain
expenses were due to him as a witness, and it had long been a custom at
the Old Bailey, that if the representative of the Crown did not see the
witnesses the expenses due to them would fall into the Consolidated Fund,
so that it was a clear gain to the State if its representative officers
did not meet the witnesses. On this occasion, however, Mr. Alibi ran
against his client accidentally, and being a courteous gentleman, could
not forbear condoling with him on the unsuccessful termination of his
case.

"You, see," began Mr. Alibi, "I was instructed so late--really, the
wonder is, when gentlemen don't employ a solicitor till the last moment,
how we ever lay hold of the facts at all. Now look at your case, sir.
Yes, yes, I'm coming--bother my clerks, how they worry--I'll be there
directly."

"But thic feller," said Mr. Bumpkin, "who had my case din't know nowt
about it. I could ha' done un better mysel."

"Ah, sir; so we are all apt to think. He's a most clever man, that--a
very rising man, sir."

"Be he?" said Bumpkin.

"Why, do you know, sir," continued Mr. Alibi, "he was very great at his
University."

"That bean't everything, though, by a long way."

"No, sir, granted, granted. But he was Number Four in his boat; and the
papers all said his feathering was beautiful."

"A good boatman, wur he?"

"Magnificent, sir; magnificent!"

"Then he'd better keep a ferry; bean't no good at law."

"Ah! I am afraid you are a little prejudiced. He's a very learned man."

"I wish he'd larned to open his mouth. Why, I got a duck can quack a
devilish sight better