-"these 'ere booats,
I doan't like 'em--gie me the ole-fashioned uns."

Now came the usual hullabaloo, "Stand back!--pass on!--out of the way!
now, then, look sharp there!" and the pushing of the gangway against
people's shins as though they were so many skittles to be knocked over,
and then came the slow process of "passing out."

"There's one thing," whispered O'Rapley, "if you do break your leg the
company's liable--that's one comfort."

"Thankee, sir," answered Bumpkin, "but I bean't a gwine to break my leg
for the sake o' a haction--and mebbee ha' to pay the costs."

CHAPTER XIV.

THE OLD BAILEY--ADVANTAGES OF THE NEW SYSTEM ILLUSTRATED.

And I saw in my dream that Don O'Rapley and worthy Master Bumpkin
proceeded together until they came to the Old Bailey; that delightful
place which will ever impress me with the belief that the Satanic
Personage is not a homeless wanderer. As they journeyed together
O'Rapley asked whether there was any particular kind of case which he
would prefer--much the same as he would enquire what he would like for
lunch.

"Well, thankee, sir," said Bumpkin, "what he there?"--just the same as a
hungry guest would ask the waiter for the bill of fare.

"Well," said Mr. O'Rapley, "there's no murder to-day, but there's sure to
be highway robberies, burglaries, rapes, and so on."

"Wall, I thinks one o' them air as good as anything," said Bumpkin. "I
wur on the jury once when a chap were tried."

"Did he get off?"

"Got off as clane as a whusle. Not guilty, we all said: sarved her
right."

"It's rather early in the morning, p'r'aps," said O'Rapley; "but there's
sure to be something interesting before lunch--crimes are very pop'lar,
and for my own part, I think they're as nice as anything: divorces,
p'r'aps, are as good, and the female intellect prefers 'em as a more
digestable food for their minds."

"As a what, sir!"

"Well, since they did away with _crim. cons_, there's nothing left for
females but murders and divorces, worth speaking of."

"Why, how's that, then?"

"O, they're not considered sufficiently moral, that's all. You see,
Master Bumpkin, we're getting to be a very moral and good people.
They're doin' away with all that's naughty, such as music and dancing,
peep-shows and country fairs. This is a religious age. No pictur
galleries on a Sunday, but as many public-houses as you like; it's wicked
to look at picturs on a Sunday. And now I'll tell you an