n't promise silence," she said, "but I'll back myself against the
world as a simmerer."

R. C. L.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Jarge (on a visit to London)._ "Let's go oop past th'
War Office, Maria. We might see Kitchener."

_Maria_. "We'll do nothin' o' th' sort. More'n likely you two'd get
talkin' an' we'd miss our train."]

* * * * *

SHAKSPEARE to the Slackers:--

"Dishonour not your mothers; now attest." _Henry V., Act III.,
Scene I_.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Joan (reading)._ "It says here that this war is
Armagideon, and the end as the would is fixed for the beginning of
April."

_Darby._ "There, now! I always said the Kaiser would wriggle out of it
somehow!"]

* * * * *

ANOTHER AIR SCANDAL.

If ever I write a Hymn of Hate, or, at any rate, of resentment, it will
not be about the Germans, but about a certain type of Englishman whom I
encounter far too often and shall never understand. The Germans are now
beyond any hymning, however fervent; they are, it is reassuring to
think, a class by themselves. But my man should be hymned, not because
it will do him any good, but because it relieves my feelings.

It is really rather a curious case, for he might be quite a nice fellow
and, I have little doubt, often is; but he boasts and flaunts an inhuman
insensibility that excites one's worst passions.

What would you say was the quality or characteristic most to be desired
in every member of our social common-wealth? Obviously there is only one
reply to this question: that he should be decently susceptible to
draughts. If society is to go on, either we must all be so
pachydermatous as to be able to disregard draughts, or we must feel them
and act accordingly. There should not be here and there a strange
Ishmaelite creature whose delight it is to be played upon by boreal
blasts. But there is. I meet him in the train, and the other day I
hymned him.

O thou (my hymn of dislike, of annoyance, of remonstrance began):--

O thou, the foe of comfort, heat,
O thou who hast the corner seat,
Facing the engine, as we say
(Although it is so far away,
And in between
So many coaches intervene,
The phrase partakes of foolishness);--
O thou who sittest there no less,
Keeping the window down
Though all the carriage frown,
Why dost thou so rejoice in a