e're for the
gaird-room. Dinna tell ma ye're no a German wi' a tongue like yon!"

"I've god a gold id by head!" I shouted at him. "I'b dot a Gerbud! I'b
Lieutedad Dobsod----"

"Haud yer tongue. Ye're a Chooton. An' ye're cotched. That's flat."

I was bundled into a draughty cattle-shed. The door was slammed. I
sneezed. It was a bright prospect. I changed my views on the
inefficiency of our Home Defenders. They now appealed to me as violently
efficient. A night in a tumble-down cow-house! Desolation! Then I
brightened up: the MacNeils' whisky. The cork popped in the silence of
the night.

The door opened. A sentry's head was poked round. Disregarding him, I
raised the bottle to my chattering teeth. Then the lance-corporal
appeared. With a sudden thought I offered him the bottle. A strange look
crept across his face. Gingerly he took the bottle. Then there was a
comfortable sound. He drew a hand across his mouth.

"That's grrand," he said. "Beg pardon, Sir. It's been ma mistake. Jock,
the prisoner is a Scottish officer. Let him gang.... Thank ye, Sir;
thank ye for the whisky."

* * * * *

"The Germans ... a whole company being decimated, the only
survivors, a captain and seventy men, surrendering."

_Pall Mall Gazette._

This indication that the normal strength of a German company is now only
79 is welcome news.

* * * * *

"The air defence of London is now practically under the control
of the home forces, of which Lord French is Commander-in-Chief,
and Admiral Lord French is Commander-in Chief, and Admiral the
gunnery defences of London."--_Provincial Paper._

So now we're all right.

* * * * *

"The spectacle of the snow-clad trees on the London Road, and in
other suburban districts, was pleasant to the eye, although it
made walking a trifle difficult."--_Leicester Mail._

It is our habit to discourage the dangerous practice of tree-gazing
while in motion.

* * * * *

ONCE UPON A TIME.

The Miracle.

Once upon a time there was one Herbert. The doctor being unwilling to
pass him so that there was no chance that he, in the words of the great
joke, would "march too," he had taken a situation as a waiter.

Englishmen (it is an axiom) do not make good waiters; nor was he an
exception. But he was conscientious and painstaking, although cl