y, an awm glad tha'rt soa thowtful, but aw
connot help thinkin tha'rt a varry inconsistent woman."

"Nah then! If tha'rt gooin to start callin me names aw willn't have a
drop!"

"Aw dooant want to call thi names, but facts are stubborn things. If aw
happen to goa an get two-penoth into mi heead tha praiches at me for a
full clockhaar abaat th' sin ov extravagance an th' blessins ov economy;
but awr Hepsabah can wear a hat at's cost as mich as aw could buy a
distillary for, an that's all reight."

"If tha bowt a distillery, Sammywell, nawther thee nor it wod last as
long as awr Hepsabah's hat, soa things are better as they are. Hand
ovver what change tha's getten i' thi pocket an then sup up an let's get
off to bed, an be thankful tha's getten a dowter to buy a hat for, an a
wife at advises thee allus for th' best."

"All reight, lass,--awm ready,--but aw connot for th' life o' me see
what awr Hepsabah's hat has to do wi young wimmen darnin ther stockins
an weshin ther shifts."

"A'a, Sammywell! Ther's a deeal o' things abaat wimmen at tha has to
leearn yet."

"Aw believe there is,--but twenty two an sixpence a lesson is a trifle
aboon my cut."

Old Dave to th' New Parson.

"Soa, yo're th' new parson, are yo?
Well, awm fain to see yo've come;
Yo'll feel a trifle strange at furst,
But mak yorsen at hooam.

Aw hooap yo'll think nor war o' me,
If aw tell what's in mi noddle,
Remember, if we dooant agree,
It's but an old man's twaddle.

But aw might happen drop a hint,
'At may start yo to thinkin;
Awd help yo if aw saw mi way,
An do it too, like winkin.

Awm net mich up o' parsons,--
Ther's some daycent ens aw know;
They're smart enuff at praichin,
But at practice they're too slow.

For dooin gooid nooan can deny
Ther chonces are mooast ample;
If they'd give us fewer precepts,
An rayther moor example.

We need a friend to help waik sheep,
Oe'r life's rough ruts an boulders;--
Ther's a big responsibility
Rests on a parson's shoulders.

But oft ther labor's all in vain,
Noa matter ha persistent;
Becoss ther taichin an ther lives
Are hardly quite consistent.

Ther's nowt can shake ther faith in God,
When bad is growing worse;
An nowt abate ther trust, unless
It chonce to touch ther purse.

They say, "Who giveth to the poor,
Lends to the Lord," but yet,
They all seem varry anxious,
Net to get the Lord in debt.

But wi my fooilish