h' owd feller thowt he mud say summat to try an mak
Sydney forget abaat scalpin directors, soa he sed:

"Dooant yo think this trains gooin quickly, sir?"

"Aw wish it wod goa twenty times faster, aw wish it wod goa a thaasand
times faster," sed Sydney, wavin his arms abaat, "aw wish it wod goa
bang into another train an smash this carriage all inter smithereens."

"Why, if it did yo'd be killed!"

"Awd dee gladly ony day," Sydney answered, "if aw could only know at a
Director wor killed too."

An soa they went on, Sydney dooin all kind o' mad things, he even
insisted on th' Director smookin three whiffs ov a cigar; but at last,
like ivverything i' this world, th' journey coom to an end, an they
glided into th' station at Brummagem.

As sooin as ivver th' train stopt, th' Director jumpt aght, an called
for a porter, "Get that gentleman's name," he sed, "he's been smookin in
this carriage."

Sydney wor sittin quite calmly, wi' hawf a cigar in his maath, an th'
porter sed,--

"Have yo been smookin, sir?"

"Ov coorse aw have, cannot yo see mi cigar, this is a smookin carriage,
luk thear"--an he pointed to th' label on th' winder.

Th' porter couldn't do anything when he seed that, but th' Director sent
for th' stashun maister, an made an awful shindy; he sed 'at Sydney wor
mad, an ha he'd threatened him wi' a knife, an aw dooant know what
beside--but Sydney wor soa polite, an whispered to th' Stashun maister,
"at he thowt th' owd feller had had too mich to sup, for he'd been
smookin hissen as they could easy find aght if they smell'd his
breeath."

Soa th' Stashun maister sed he couldn't do owt, as it wor a smookin
carriage, soa Sydney wor allowed to goa to th' Hotel, leeavin 'em to
feight it aght as they liked.

Th' last thing he thowt ov that neet befooar he fell asleep wor, ha
Mabel wod laugh next day when he telled her abaat it.

Next mornin when he'd had his braikfast, he donned hissen up smart as a
chap owt to do when he's gooin a cooartin, an set off in a cab to
Mabel's father's haase.

Th' lass wor lukkin aght for him, an after a bit o' kussin an huggin (as
is suitable at sich times) Sydney sed he mud as weel see her father an
get it ovver.

"He's in th' library," sed Mabel.

"Nah for it," Sydney sed, as they stood aghtside th' door, "gie me
another kuss, lass, to keep me up to th' mark, an eh! aw've sich a joke
to tell thi abaat afterwards."

Mabel kussed him ageean, an then shoo oppen'd th'