not long ago there dvelt a lad named JOEY;
He vos not raised in Vestminster, but in a place more goey.
At snaring birds he vos a dab, of eggs (and plots) a hatcher;
And he vos called young Vistling JOE, the Brummagem Birdcatcher.

Young JOE of Grand Old VILL-I-AM, at fust vos pal most chummy,
But second fiddle vos not quite _the_ instrument for Brummy.
Says he, "Old VILL vants his own vay, the vicked old vote-snatcher!
But that arrangement vill not suit the Brummagem Birdcatcher!

"I am as artful, qvite, as he, and much more young and active;
I've a sweet vistle of my own the birds find most attractive.
My nets may be unauthorised, and my decoys not his'n;
Vot odds, ven those decoys vill draw, those nets the birds imprison?

"VILLIAM's a old Monopolist, or vould be if I'd let him;
But on this here pertikler field I'll lick him, that I'll bet him.
I am a cove as hates the Nobs; I dearly loves my neighbour;
And if I _have_ a feeling heart it is for Honest Labour!

"VILLIAM's decoys are out of date but ven I'd shake and rummage'em
He gets his back up like a shot. He's jealous of Young Brummagem!
I'll set up on my own account; and I've a new half dozen
Of nice decoys vich I am sure the shyest birds vill cozen.

"I am not arter nightingales, the pappy poet's darlings,
I'm qvite content vith blackbirds brisk, and even busy starlings.
The birds vot delve, vot track the plough, vot vatch the rustic
thatcher,
Are good enough--_in numbers_--for the Brummagem Birdcatcher.

"VILLIAM may lure his Irish larks, and redpoles, tits, and finches,
Good British birds vill do for me. I'm vun as never flinches
From spreading of my nets all vide; vot comes _I_ can't determine,
But I don't care for carrion-birds, I looks on 'em as wermin!

"And so I ups and spreads my nets. Vot if the birds see plainly?
My vistle is so vondrous sveet, I shall not spread 'em wainly,
Then, my decoys! Ah! them's the boys! In patience and in skill I am
_The_ cove to catch a big bird-batch, and qvite a match for
VILL-I-AM!"

Old VILLIAM and young Vistling JOE are rivals, vot vere pardners!
And some vill back the Brummyites, and some the Grand Old
Harward'ners;
But vichsoever from the fight of victory be the snatcher,
The Midlands own a champion in the Brummagem Birdcatcher.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Mrs. Gusher_. "OH, GOO