ow usually
spoken of as "the versatile Mr. LEGION," a compliment which never
failed to annoy him hugely. Sated with popular applause, he turned
into a vein of new poetry, and produced _The Song of the Spud_, which,
his admirers averred was "racy of the soil." A grand English Opera,
on the Pilgrimage of Grace, was performed, at immense expense, LEGION
being the Librettist. It was patriotic, but not exactly popular.
Still, with all these claims on his country, LEGION lived in hopes
which were wofully disappointed; for, when his chance came at last,
a Prime Minister of modern ideas declared that, as a Laureate is not
useful, he must be ornamental. Now, neither LEGION, nor any of his
rivals, could be called decorative, whatever they might have been in
their youth. They needed laurels, for the same reason as JULIUS CAESAR.
The wreath was therefore offered (by a Plebiscite conducted in a
newspaper) to the young Lady-poet whose verses and photograph secured
the greatest number of votes; the Laureate, in every case, to resign,
on attaining her twenty-fifth birthday. The beautiful and accomplished
Mrs. JINGLEY JONES triumphed in this truly modern competition, and
her book was rushed into a sale of two hundred and fifty copies. After
this check the writing of poetry ceased to attract male enterprise--to
the extreme joy of Publishers and Reviewers; though the market for
waste-paper received a shock from which it never rallied. The youthful
male population of England determined never to become Poets, unless
they were born Poets, a resolution on which, at all times, a minority
of the race had acted, with the best results.

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[Illustration: Mr. J.L. "Walker" Toole and "Full Company."]

"NOTES AND PAPER."--There is a lot of "paper" about from
"Walker--London." No, Mr. JOHNNIE TOOLE, Sir, not your "paper," for
_your_ House is crammed and your "paper" is at a premium. But this
particular WALKER, of Warwick House, London, sends forth "Society
Stationery"--"which," as _Mrs. Gamp_ would have said, "spelling of
it with an 'a' instead of an 'e,' Society never is." Among the lot
there's an "Antique Society Paper," which should be a Society Paper
as old as the world itself, or it might be used by a Fossilised Fogey
Club. WALKER & Co.'s new "Society Paper," whether antique or modern,
is pretty and quite harmless--till pen and ink are at work on it; and
then--but that's another story.

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