ow, Heller; we didn't average a convart in
twinty years."

Now ensued an event which troubled the holy Father more than any thing
that had yet occurred during his episcopate. Two German priests, Heller
informed him, had landed on one of the islands of the archipelago, and
were preaching the pure doctrines of the Christian faith, denouncing
cannibalism and polygamy, and otherwise sapping the established
religion.

"Some av the New Catholics, I'll warrant ye!" exclaimed Higgins,
indignantly. "Some of thim blatherskites av the Doellinger school, come
over here to stir up sedition in the Church, as though they hadn't made
worry enough in the owld counthries. An' what business has Dutchmen
here, annyway, whin an Irishman has begun the good worrk? They've no
right to take the labor of convartin' these haythins out of me hands
that a-way. Me conscience won't allow me to permit such distarbances an'
innovations. See if ye can't get um to lave the islands peaceable,
Heller. If they won't, I shall have to let Umbaho settle wid um afther
his fashion."

An embassy to the missionaries having obtained from them no other
response than that they would welcome martyrdom rather than relinquish
their labors, Umbaho was dispatched against them at the head of a
sufficient army, with instructions to treat them as enemies of Feejee
and of the unity of the Church.

But instead of slaughtering the missionaries, Umbaho was converted by
them. He renounced cannibalism, polygamy, and the sacred poison; he
denied Father Higgins. Accompanied by one of the Germans, he returned to
Feejee at the head of his army, bent on establishing the true Christian
faith.

"We must press a lot av min, an' beat um," responded the good Father,
when Heller informed him of the approach and purposes of the chief.
"Tell the faithful to give no quarter; tell um to desthroy ivery wan of
these schismatics; an' as for the Dutchman, burrn him at the stake, as
they used to do in the good owld times."

A great battle ensued; the adherents of Higginsism were defeated and
dispersed; the door of the temple opened to Umbaho and the German.
Father Higgins, by this time a helpless mass of fat, swaying perilously
on his unsteady platform, looked down upon them with terror through the
smoke of his altar.

"Sacrilegious wretch!" cried the German, God has put an end to thy mad
and selfish and wicked dominion."

"I wish I had niver been a biship!" screamed Father Higgins at the