an' exthrame
unction, an' the like. Now that business wouldn't shuit me pheesical
conformation, an' nayther would it shuit the character I have to bear.
It's betther that you should do the outside trampin', Heller. Ye know
the tradditions an' docthrines av the Church well enough, an' y' are a
dab at Latin. As for yer not bein' av the prastely office, I'll jist lay
hands on ye an' qualify ye for the same. If it happens to be a bit
irregular, why, the ind justifies the manes, ye remimber, or the ancient
Fathers are all wrong, which is onpossible. An' now, Heller, do tell
these poor, benighted, lazy loons that I must have me coky-nuts fresh,
an' as great a variety av fish as can be procured in these wathers. The
chap that preshumes to bring me an owld coky-nut I'll curse his basket
an' his shtore."

After a brief missionary effort, Heller reported that the whole
population of the island, barring a few obstinate seniors, had been
baptized.

"That's well, me son," replied Father Higgins. "I s'pose y' 'ave done it
rather on the wholesale, sprinklin' a hundred or so at a fling, but I've
no doubt y' 'ave done it the best ye could in the time y' 'ave had; and
surely it's a great work, no matter how done. As for the apostates--I
mane the fellows that stick to their owld haythinism--it might be well
to make an example av a few av thim, jist for the encouragemint av the
faithful. Suppose ye should organize an inquisition, or howly office,
Heller, an' conduct the proceedin's yerself intirely, be way av seein'
that they are regular an' effective? Y' are parfectly able for it, wid
your knowledge av Church history."

It was not long before Heller was able to state that all the old fogies
and silver-grays who remained alive had been converted.

"Ah, but isn't that blissid news!" responded Father Higgins, joyfully.
"An' wouldn't me brethren, the other biships, be glad to hear that same
concernin' their dioceses! That's betther nor coky-nuts--of which,
be-the-way, I'm gettin' a bit tired. I wondher, Heller, if some av
these other islands wouldn't furnish us a change of diet? If we could
find pataties an' grapes, it ud be a blessin' to body an' sowl. Surely
it ud be a good deed to bring all this archypilago into the thrue faith.
Couldn't the chafe, now, take an army out in his doubled-barrelled
canoes, an' commince the work av convarsion? Tell him if he'll do that
same, I'll grant him all the indulgences he can think av."

Another ma