strangers, and quite as well with me, but from that time onward her
work was equally _uncertain_--both in the presence of others and when
alone with me. I know of no cause for this, I can only say that I often
seemed to "sense" about her a feeling as though she considered these
labours superfluous; as though she had become in a manner
"disillusioned" as to the "results" accruing from her work. Was the
praise, or were the rewards inadequate? the fact remains, that on such
days utterly senseless answers were the most one could get after
constant and persuasive questioning, while the solutions of her sums
would be completely wrong. When once the novelty was gone, indifference
and lack of interest soon took its place, and this applies to
everything she learnt. In the beginning, close attention, and keen
alertness--resulting in ready and intelligent replies, then a sudden
slackening, so that it would seem useless for me to pursue the same
subject again for weeks. This tiresome trait (which, by the way, I can
in part appreciate) may, I fear, in time attack her spelling too--and
then everything will be over, as far as Lola is concerned. Not that she
will be getting more stupid with increasing age! indeed, as she grows
older, she will probably be better than ever able to understand what is
said to her, but she will no longer find it worth her while to pull
herself together so as to do decent work. I shall, of course, do all I
can as far as trying to influence her so as to put off the evil
moment--but the fact is that one has here to do with a remarkably
sensitive and obstinate living-creature, and one that is quite
able--though in a passive way--to maintain its own standpoint.
I shall now give a few specimens of the _almost_ unintelligible answers
dragged from her, as it were, after much grave reproach:
16 August, 1916: "Lola, rap something!" "mal one lif unartig sein."
"What is the meaning of 'lif'? do you mean 'when you ran'?" (lief =
ran, the past tense of laufen = to run). "no." "Did you learn that word
from me?" "yes." "Then explain yourself." "ich rante in wald zu re" ( =
I ran in the wood after deer). Apparently she was in no mood for
explanations, and it was only after wrestling with her that I could get
any sequence of words at all. At other times when urged to get on with
the subject she will in her contrariness rap as follows: "o zu ich" or
"e wo zu" or "zum zu wozu" or "we" and so on--letters with which it is
rar
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